Lisa, It sounds like your H is very insecure indeed. He has to keep hopping from woman to woman to make himself feel manly, then has to accuse you in the process. My own H, who has screamed and cried about how badly he wants a D has thrown in a few times that I am really the one who wants the D and made comments about my imaginary BF too. It's insecurity, plain and simple.
Now that he knows you're not begging for him to come home, he probably doesn't know what to do, which is why he went and filed for D so abruptly.
From what I can see here, and I know it's not much, the way he has treated you over the years is grounds for a D as far as I am concerned. I know this is DB, but I really think he's doing you a favor.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Lisa are you sure he filed and isn't just trying to manipulate you? If he has no money then I can tell you a L would likely explain to him it would be considered a contested D and those are pretty expensive. My L wants a significant chunk of change upfront before filing the first motion. In fact, I am planning to see another and see what sort of payment options are offered.
Don't respond to his stupidity. He is likely jealous and really, that's okay. What is happening is the power is shifting and he is freaking out. Let him. Any R has to be balanced.
Thanks for all the caring responses. MKB, I am prett sure he did. He was pretty mad that I have pulled way back and informed him that I won't tolerate disrespect. He took off yesterday along with ow to go to our 12 year olds school to call him out of class to talk to him. The guidance counselor sensed something bc my son didn't want to go with him. My h then showed his butt and embarrassed our son. They asked him to leave and she phoned me and told me what happened. She also said she asked him why he was putting his son in the middle of something that should be handled between him and me and our respective lawyers. She told me he brought the ow into the school with him and he told the counselor that I have brainwashed everyone and he would take all the kids. The had the resource officer remove him. She also informed him that she has not spoken with me concerning this issue and until he showed up she had no idea we were getting divorced. She kept our son in her office as he was shaken up a d embarrassed but she said he left in a happy mood and opened up to her about how he was happy his dad wasnt home and we all were happier. That he loved his dad but didn't want to be with him all the time.
My h is the kind of person that reacts without thinking and regrets things later. So I am sure he did file. He hasn't been getting any reaction from me lately and is doing anything to produce one. I am not taking the bait. I am surprisingly calm about it.
One concern I have is that all these affairs and all the ow that were sex only he has never put our kids in the middle and he has done it twice in the last 3 days. Do you think he is realizing he has truly lost his grip on me and the only way to get to me now is the kids?
Thanks Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Regretful, I didn't post a lot of the back story and I will try to finds old posts from the beginning. I had to change my name at one time. But if you want to know anything I am an open book. So feel free to ask. I appreciate any thoughts. And in the beginning back in 2005 and 2006. I had plenty of 2x 4's to the noggin. By some old timers here. Was2sad and MNsteve I think that's right along with several others.
Thanks for your valuable input
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I want to apologize for any grammar or punctuation errors in my posts. I am having to use my phone for this right now. I am trying to read on others who post here that are also in pain and feel hopeless so please be patient with me I soon will have my home Internet back as can hopefully help others like I have been helped and supported Thanks Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Lisa- It's okay that he filed. In a sense he is going to force the issue with custody and frankly that is in your favor. Keep doing what you are doing. You might ask the resource officer at the school if they are aware of any counseling programs - free or low cost for your kids- I was surprised at the resources I found. Your H is most definitely still trying to control. You are holding up like a champ! Don't take the bait, don't get sucked in. Obviously, he DOES NOT have the kids best interest in mind or he wouldn't be forcing OW on them. You can do this. Remember if things actually change that much you can always stop the D later if you should reconcile.
Yes I am ok with him filing I am just shocked at how he is bringing our kids in on it like this. Putting them in the middle. He has never ever done that before. Since I quit reacting and getting jealous and angry at his texts and calls and I demanded respect. He has went off the chart. This has nothing to do with love. He realized he lost control of me. All the times before I let him make the rules and walk on me even while he was living with other women. Now that's over. He is being so harsh. I am saying strong I want so bad to respond to his mean words but I am better than that. I am so proud I can finally say that. A little scared but proud
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Yay!! You are better than that! And you are giving your kids a positive role model! Now they can see what it means to stand up for yourself and demand respect. That is a huge thing. I wish I had done that sooner with mine.
If you have followed my thread you will know that I have taken back control of my life. I have demanded respect where I have been a doormat before. I haven't responded to texts not concerning the kids and it has gotten so bad. I have to post on my phone for a few more days till I can get Internet and computer working again so I am sorry for the unorganized posts. You guys have helped me stay strong through the name calling and threats. I am not reacting so he has starting attacking my children by trying to put them in the middle. They don't belong there. Today he had off again for the 3 day in a row to spend with sick ow and her kids well that's his story. But he informed me he wouldn't be able to get the kids for visit this afternoon bc once again he couldn't leave her. Now mind you this is a man that when I had a miscarriage or I think they stated it as still birth at 14 weeks he refused to get off work to take me to hospital. I drove myself I remember being put in an er room after being told my precious daughter had died in utero the room next door was a woman with issues but the heart rate monitor on her for her baby was loud and still haunts my dreams. I am happy she didn't lose her baby so I didn't want to complain but it hurt me so bad to know my child was gone but still in my womb. I was alone. I called him at work I will never forget what he said. " well that's good at least I won't need to leave work. When are they releasing you so you can get the others from school ". I was devastated. But rationalized that that was his way of dealing with it. They decided to send me to a hospital 30 minutes away that is a university hospital and they would help me deliver my baby. The nurse called him to tell him and she came back into my room as they were putting me on the stretcher to transfer she asked me if I had anyone else to inform bc she had never dealt with a more selfish man in a situation like this. I was transferred to the other hospital. They gave me meds and the fantastic nurses took turns sitting with me. I delivered with almost no pain a precious baby girl as well as they could tell. I held her they let me bath her. No husband showed up. He did call this hospital to talk to me but the nurse intercepted and he told her I had caused an inconvience by him having to find people to get the others from school. He never came. I was finally able to get ahold of my friend from high school that lived 4 hrs away she came and got me. There is more but I am over talking my welcome
I am no saint but that's a horrible thing to do to your wife. When I got home my younger kids that didn't know better asked where the baby was and my husband said well mom couldn't handle it so she killed him with her body. I have never shared this before but I am tired of stuffing this stuff I have to heal. Even if no one responds. I need to journal this. And of course other things concerning marriage.
Any way back to tonight. After informing me he couldn't get them nor give me any money help. He decided again for the second day to give me surprise notice on getting kids. I told him no they made plans to go to a pizza thing at a friends church. He went crazy. Texting me every name in the book same old same old. No response from me. He then sent me a text saying he is coming to get them no matter what.
I told him no please do not do that. Give me the notice tomorrow and get them then. Nope not good enough. I told him they were at a church function. He called me a liar. Ignored. He then said he would see them tomorrow or Sunday and give me notice. 5 minutes later he said he was coming over to get the kids if he had to bust a window ton take them and when he left I would know he'd been there. Now he is 6ft 5 and I am 5ft 3 105 soaking wet and wearing boots. Years ago he snapped and beat me bad enough for me to spend a few days in hospital and he had jail time. Yes I am stupid for taking him back but well he had visitation and would say I wouldn't be there to protect them.
I had to call police I am embarased but had no choice. He showed his butt took the cops and almost got arrested. They made him leave but informed him that if I ever called them again for him being on my property then he would go to jail.
He laughed at me as he was leaving and said in front of two officers " she thought she was bad and tried to stand up to me in texts but I showed her I can still scare her. She is afraid of me. That's all I wanted her to know. I own her. Look at her shake". The officer told him he had 3 seconds to leave or be arrested.
I can't believe this is happening. Why worry about me if he is happy with his soul mate.?
Good news is that I am finally seeing his true self that I overlooked all these years.
Thanks for letting me post.
For those dbing. They do notice your changes so stay at it. Mine is just a psycho. That can't stand not being in control of me.
Keep venting. Keep letting it out. Really. It's good. Now tomorrow you may want to consider contacting your county attorney for a protection order. He's a jackass. My H is too but not to that extreme. He's just mentally jacked up. Not normally violent. I will keep praying for you. You are right, he does notice the changes and it has him completely freaked out. He is fighting for his power. Not sure why he thinks that fear is the right route. My guess is OW is not sick but he is getting obsessive. Please protect yourself and your children.
