It's been a week since I've posted and I really needed that time to get my emotions under control. My thoughts and feelings have been all over the place. As soon as I think I have it all together, I end up back at square one again trying to dig myself out of the pit of purgatory. I realize that I have been focusing too much on H and not enough on me. I've allowed his inconsistency and inability to decide what he wants from life and our R to affect how I perceive myself and how I move forward with my life. This is something I am working to improve on.
H states he has decided to move out and get his own apartment. I told him that I support whatever decision he makes. He wants me to sit down with him to divide our material assets. I told H that he could take whatever he wants but be sure to take his dogs as I am not in a position to care for them. H said in that case he would take nothing. But, he does not want any other man in our home if I should decide to date. (WTF) I did not respond to this nonsense. Since this discussion, H said he feels better as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. I did not respond otherthan telling him it is his decision and I support whatever it is.
Now I'm mentally, financially and emotionally preparing for H to move out. I don't know when that is going to be so I try to enjoy each day as it comes. I continue to maintain a happy and healthy attitude. I dress and look nice everyday and H as complimented me on my appearance. I pray daily and every morning with H before we leave. I purposely avoid any mention of our situation but I do ask for God's will to be done in our lives.
