New to DB and Clearly Oblivious to My "Horrible" M

[NickB]

What things did you do to try to improve this? Or is this a recent realization? How can you change that now?

Recent realization. To be honest, she hasn't shared many complaints, so I am self diagnosing which is dangerous. My biggest challenge in doing 180s is that her complaints offer very few clues. The most frequent quotes are that "she doesnt know who she is but she knows she is not happy." Another frequent one is that "we are parents and roommates."

She isnt at a point that either to me or in MC she has laid out specific complaints yet. This has been hard to dig out through validating her feelings.

Earlier you said she hadn't told you her complaints. Is this something she told you?

Only in her comment that we are parents and roommates. That conversation turned back to angry spewing after that and I wasnt able to get her to draw that out further, but it is a place for me to start when we get there or in our next MC session I think.


"Her inability to sleep these days is more related to the guilt, pressure, confusion, etc.

Again, did she tell you this?

Great point. Know I am guessing here. She is asleep at night when I get up with the kids which is usually more than once a night when you have three young ones like this. Unusally in the morning she learns from one of the kids that they were up or needed something and she notes that she didnt even hear them. I always took pride at this because I thought that was a great thing she would appreciate. However, while she looks tired and run down for the first time in 5 years I am assuming it is related to all the pressure and our sitch.

This is so helpful. I really appreciate your continued insight.