I was going to answer this on your post, but it's closed. You should start a new one.
The answer to your question is yes... on both counts... they're taking your temperature and, unfortunately, if they see you're still there, waiting like a puppy dog with bated breath... well you've just set yourself back quite a ways...
I was going to answer this on your post, but it's closed. You should start a new one.
The answer to your question is yes... on both counts... they're taking your temperature and, unfortunately, if they see you're still there, waiting like a puppy dog with bated breath... well you've just set yourself back quite a ways...
to steal from Starsky... BINGO!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
AT for the record. I would ignore. Reread what bug wrote and change the context.
This is more for you and how far you have come. And the cycles you have been going through the past 3 weeks while on the dark.
When you send this reply you will truly reset some clocks inside you. The work communication is on a different timing than this clock.
Things will spiral down for a few weeks off this.
IMHO you are not there yet to send a message without any loaded thoughts or what if's
You still base your thoughts around Mrs. AT. Not as you did. But it is still there below the surface. You are getting closer and closer to figuring this out.
If you think for just one second that this will set you back or undo any boundaries you have struggled to set.
IGNORE.
If you question it just once
IGNORE.
Hard won lessons and history. Keep us from repeating past mistakes.
If you were confident in yourself. We would never have heard about it. That is my thoughts.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
AT for the record. I would ignore. Reread what bug wrote and change the context.
This is more for you and how far you have come. And the cycles you have been going through the past 3 weeks while on the dark.
When you send this reply you will truly reset some clocks inside you. The work communication is on a different timing than this clock.
Things will spiral down for a few weeks off this.
IMHO you are not there yet to send a message without any loaded thoughts or what if's
You still base your thoughts around Mrs. AT. Not as you did. But it is still there below the surface. You are getting closer and closer to figuring this out.
If you think for just one second that this will set you back or undo any boundaries you have struggled to set.
IGNORE.
If you question it just once
IGNORE.
Hard won lessons and history. Keep us from repeating past mistakes.
If you were confident in yourself. We would never have heard about it. That is my thoughts.
I second that AT.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I agree with Chatterbug. Sometimes you need someone to kick you in the hind end. Don't acknowledge your W and her comments. She already knows her money will be there tomorrow. Obviously, she's not dumb. She needs to put her big girl panties on and deal. No way in the world would she have said that to anyone else in a company where she is employed. She IS baiting you or at the least looking for some sort of emotional validation. Ignore it. Also as far as your boundaries, you have already told her. No need to tell her again. If she wants to talk about R or anything else simply say, my feelings haven't changed nor have my boundaries. I literally told H not to contact me again about R unless/until things changed and if that was never then hey that was okay with me too. Then I followed through. No contact. Even if I needed to take care of business it was very minimal. I used to make a list and wait for when he contacted me and I was very business like to be sure things were addressed. Nothing forgotten. No other reason to contact. Once he really realized I was serious and meant it then he finally took the steps to show me and my boundaries respect. Hang tough. Obviously she has noticed the change. I would consider this a baby step for that reason.
If she wants to talk about R or anything else simply say, my feelings haven't changed nor have my boundaries.
I really, REALLY like that phrase.
I think a LOT of people here on this forum could benefit from TODAY cutting all of the long, drawn-up, try-to-teach-their-wayward-spouse-a-lesson justification and "R talks" by simply repeating this phrase, ending the convo, and proceeding to go out and GAL.
I think a LOT of people here on this forum could benefit from TODAY cutting all of the long, drawn-up, try-to-teach-their-wayward-spouse-a-lesson justification and "R talks" by simply repeating this phrase, ending the convo, and proceeding to go out and GAL.
After spending more and more time in my sitch I am starting to agree with this concept. I am patient, I am willing, but I am not bending.
W: 40 Me: 44 M: 12 years Together: 14 Three children (S-4, D-3, S-1) EA started in April, discovered in 07/12 ILYBNILWY: 07/12 MC Started: 09/12 Patience Tested: 1,245,963 times since 07/12
Well, there's a time and a place for "The Speech," don't get me wrong. But having SAID it, the MORE you say it actually WEAKENS it, not strengthens. I just read sooooooooooooo many words and convos from some people on here, where they rant the same supposed "boundaries" to their wayward spouses.
I really believe in the "I said it and won't say it again".
Unless they actually push on the boundary and you have to remind them, don't bring it up.
In this case all I can think of is not the breadcrumbs but the electric fence for dogs. Part of the training towards the end is to put something that they want on the other side of the fence to see If they will cross or not. If they do, then the boundary "training" didn't work and you start back at beginning.
So, the chit storm comment is on the other side, is it worth the pain?
I'm in complete agreement with the last couple posts... It needs to be said ONCE and simply enforced after that... I struggled with this mightily in the week or so after I gave "The Speech", but I'm extremely glad I haven't reiterated the statements I made.
I look at it this way: I said it, strongly, and a few times during the conversation we had. She WILL remember it... every last word of it... And if I have to say it again, I'm either saying "You probably didn't get this the first time" or "I'm trying to convince MYSELF of this right now..."
