He's Just Not That Into You

[RegretfulLA]

Is the sofa bed in a bedroom? If so maybe consider buying a bed instead?

It's in our den/office, so we need to have it set up the way we have it. If it were a real bed it would be less of a problem.

If he has been talking to this person for a while then likely there is a need that was filled and it will have to run it's course. There is nothing you will be able to do or say to make that happen any faster. Now is where you have to decide what your limits are. Are you willing to tough it out for a bit or not?

In reality, I TOTALLY get this. I know exactly how H feels with regards to OW and I do have empathy for him. I have walked in his shoes, and I was ready to take those shoes out the door and into OM's arms. But I didn't, because H made a sincere effort. I decided it would be worth trying if H were on board. My heart wasn't really in it at first, but I wanted it to be and I did try.

2 months ago Chatterbug came on my thread and told me that H would have an EA to even the score. And of course, now it is happening. Honestly, it is not so much the EA that bothers me, it is my husband's distancing, withdrawal, withholding affection and punishment, not to mention the pure callousness with which he carries himself. These tendencies in him were what drove me to my EA's. If our R were better, I could tolerate him being friends with this woman as I think we benefit from having relationships with people of the opposite sex, as long as appropriate boundaries are in place.

I woke up thinking that I need to communicate some of this to him prior to our MC session. OW is really the symptom of the problem for me. My real sticking point is that I have been killing myself trying to pick up the pieces of this R while H sits and watches.

A sort of real-life metaphorical example of this happened last night. I made dinner like I always do. It wasn't anything fancy but I have asked H to wash the dishes after dinner. We finished dinner around 6:45 or 7. H left all the dishes in the sink and went upstairs to do whatever it is he do does, which was not playing with the boys or helping them with homework, because I did that. Long story short, I asked him to wash the dishes several times, and finally, as I knew would happen, he had fallen asleep with the lights and TV on and still hadn't done it.

This is the level of effort he puts into the relationship and it has to change or I'm out.