I hear the impatience in your words....hang in there. He's not going to stop one day and say "I've decided to work on it with you....let's give this one more try with 110% effort." Go ahead and get in your head that it's not going to happen, at least not for a long long time.

You know my sitch, and 18 months in, as great as it is most days, my W still refuses to commit to the relationship (at least verbally). The other night she told me, "if I have to make a decision right now, it's going to be no." But let's go on a cruise! LOL

To some extent, I think your H is thinking "if she can do it, I can do it." When you complain about it, he's likely thinking "s*cks doesn't it?" He's not thinking about his values...he's thinking about his hurt.

I wouldn't worry about the gossip. Yeah, it's hurtful to some extent, but it doesn't define you. My W told our neighbors I was an adulterer so I get it (I did have a child with another woman, but it was before we got married). This actually helped me understand her side of it a bit more, and how she truly felt. I used to dismiss it, but now that I understand how much it hurt her, I own it completely, the action as well as the hurt it caused.

And while you may feel like he's spreading half truths, you did cheat on him twice. Would it make you feel better to tell people it wasn't physical? Do you think they would judge you any less? And do their opinions make a difference to you? Own it completely. There are no buts. If you're worried about telling your side of the story you are focused on the wrong things.

I still think I would make a play on the MBR. You moved out for months, and now have been in the spare room for a few more. At some point, I think you need to stand up to him on this. I'd probably wait until after the MC to see how that plays out, but I'm thinking that may be the next phase for you.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13