Journaling: I think I did a much better job of going into this MC session expecting to see the monster. The therapist is (correctly) very focused on her and not me, so I tend to do very little talking in these sessions (which is a bit of a 180, since I'm a talker and fixer). I've started keeping an inventory in my head of things she says that sound more like MLC than a relationship problem we would be working through without the MLC. So much of last night was in the MLC column though - it just reinforces that there isn't much I can do.
She is definitely rewriting history. Not overtly, but she is putting a negative spin on everything from our home to our honeymoon. And the negative spin goes way back into our history, so it has always been bad according to her (I know that is not the case, but validating that she feels that way).
We spent the bulk of the time with her working through her feelings about our relationship when we first got together (19 years ago!). For a period of about 3 years, I was not a good boyfriend - very distracted and not prioritizing the relationship. Not abusive or anything like that, just not committed. That changed dramatically 16 years ago and I've since put a lot of effort into being a good husband and she's said that she isn't unhappy in the marriage, just not happy either. But last night, it was all about that blip on the radar as though I was still that person. I apologized for that time (again) but it really feels like she is searching for ways to convince herself that we can't work as a couple.
Also in the MLC column - she is fixated on running away. International travel is her top priority, she regrets not moving to the opposite coast when she had the chance during that bad 3 years. To be clear, I've never restricted her travel and she's done lots of it. It all feels like an insatiable desperation for independence, which I've read is typical of MLC in women more than men.
And before the session yesterday, she sent me two emails. One asking for the dog for the weekend and ten minutes a later one saying my new FB profile picture looks good. Not exactly a smooth "buttering up" on her part. She posted a FB picture of our dog that was obviously taken by the OM which really made me feel conflicted about letting her take the dog ever again. Trying to remember to be goals oriented with decisions like that but its hard not to let emotions take over. _____________________________ Me:39 WAW:38, M:9 T:19, No Kids EA:9/24, S:9/24 EA on hold?, MC 9/30-now
