snodderly~ Hope you made it through the storm ("Sandy") alright!!! We had no power for about a day, other than that everything was fine.
As for H, he has already backed out of counseling, good thing I wasn't holding my breath on that one.
When I got home Wednesday night I told him I had made the appointment for next Thursday at 7pm. His first cranky pants response, "How much is that going to cost?" (because apparently money that he is generally spending like it grows on trees is now an issue???). Anyway, I told him it wouldn't cost him a thing, I was the one going for counseling and he would be coming with me. He asked where it is and said he'd think about it. I went on my merry way. About 20 minutes later H comes back and tells me he's not going, he would feel "ganged up on". I told him it wouldn't be like that, but I understand if he doesn't want to go. He said it doesn't matter what I say he still feels like that.
So awhile later I went out to watch some tv in the living room where H was reading and he said, "I don't want you to be upset, I'm just not ready for that yet." I told him I understand, and I don't want him to feel pressured, I thanked him for his honesty and for even considering it. I told him to take his time. I also thanked him again for all of his emergency preparedness for the storm. He of course acted like it was nothing.
Anyway, I still kept the appointment for the same time even though it's inconvenient for me, I prefer right after work so I don't have to waste gas running back to a town I was already in.... but hey who knows he could change his mind. (gee ever the optimist).....
RH~ I kinda felt hypocritical.... yelling and screaming, not really the love and compassion Jesus would have showed.... but hey I'm human..... And well, I felt waaaaay better after. After all isn't the point of this life to grow and learn? Cause if not, I don't really know what the point is then..... MLC is Crazytown indeed. Also thank you so much for your encouragement!!
TVS~ YES!! to the hypothetical things I would say to H if he was thinking like a rational person.... but then if that were the case we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place I suppose....
I was just proud of me for not rolling on the floor laughing when he said "no hard feelings", it's like for this or for the entire last year? LOL *shrugs* people can be so disappointing.
Updates~If for some reason you are not sitting down when you are reading this please do so now.... ok... you have been warned..... so on Tuesday when we had no power from the storm..... H called the gym to see if it was open, it was, they had power. He said he was going to go in, I said I would be too. Then I said, oh wait, no power, the garage door, I'll have to stick something in it to lock it. He said, "You can ride in with me if you want." I responded with, "Really? That would be great!" I have not been in a vehicle with my H since October 11, 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, first time in OVER year, we were in the same car, at the same time!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever since that day we have been watching tv together a couple of nights, he has been saying hello and good night to me, so that's nice..... IDK, I just keep on doing my thing.... and praying...... lots and lots of praying..... also have been deep in thought a lot this week too...
idk, even being open to C without angry spew monster appearing might be some clarity creeping in, at least for now. Oh, us guys typically are NOT too hip to counseling by default, so keep those expectations appropriately low...but you know that. I think you handled that whole sitch PERFECTLY from a guys POV, btw.
The ride? It may be an opening of his heart/brain a wee bit...my W (who is a very frugal person) insisted we drive separately to school conferences and activities for the longest time, doubling our gas cost. That has stopped this fall, though the riding together can be "interesting" in a less than good way...lol...I like to have fun (guy, big old pickup truck, shortcuts through fields, you get the picture...) and she just isn't into fun very often, oh well. So, as always, expectations low, just be YOU...
Rock on!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
also have been deep in thought a lot this week too...
I'd like to hear more if you want to share...
I get so much from everyone's musings, all the individual insights and all help expand all of our knowledge of this monster. And we learn that we are not alone in experience, thoughts, feelings, coping strategies, etc.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
hrm, I made it through the storm okay. Lot's of rain and wind, but the power remained on in my area. My sister lost power for 3 hours on Monday, but the electric crew were ready to fix it before the gusts began. We do have some trees down around the area, but nothing like we had several years ago. Thank you for asking.
You handled the conversation very well concerning the counseling appointment. You never know, he may go one day soon, but right now, he's still a tad paranoid and thinks that everyone will gang up on him. He was being very honest w/you about how he felt.
I had to chuckle over the two of you going to the gym together. How's his driving? He is driving in a responsible manner? As long as he doesn't feel pressured about things, I think he will continue to watch tv w/you and be pleasant.
God does work in mysterious ways. Enjoy your Sunday!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
T~ I would like to say I very much appreciate the male perspective, it's very nice to have that insight too, thank you for that! I was extremely impressed that he even considered counseling, when a year ago, he was hell bent on absolutely not, I'm Mr. Independent, I don't need anyone, grrr... LOL
I was wondering if the riding together was a test.... cause he did the things that annoy me, and I kept my mouth shut, didn't say a blessed word when he didn't use his turn signal once (come on, I know they weren't a factory option!), and it was raining enough for the wipers, and he didn't turn them on, I find this to be a man thing, what the heck is up with that?? I find seeing to be very helpful.... just sayin'.
Well T, as for my deep thinking, some of it didn't even necessarily pertain to MLC at first anyway.... but just go with me on this for a minute.... here's what I've been thinking...
Sometimes at work we get on the subject of religion(spirituality, whatever you want to call it) which is touchy for a few. I have one co-worker who doesn't want there to be anything after this, she just "wants to die and be put in the ground and that be it. Anything else sounds like too much work." Yeah,sad I know. I laughed at her when she said it, I couldn't help myself. My one other co-worker who I have been becoming closer friends with (the one I brought home from the hospital) is on the fence about things regarding God and such. Well she was talking about some stuff going on with one of her sisters she wasn't happy about (and rightfully so) and some other issues and she made the comment, "Yeah I just don't understand why all of this stuff is allowed to happen if there is something up there. Why doesn't God stop all this bad stuff??" At the time I didn't say anything, I just ponderer her comment as I sat there rocking a baby.
Ended up thinking about it all day.... and it hit me... my epiphany.... something I think people may misunderstand, and something a lot of us inadvertently sometimes try to use God as (I know I have).... here is my thought.... God is not a magical wish granting genie. A simple thought I know, but think about it. I did, still am in fact. How many times have I prayed thinking/hoping/etc God will give me exactly what I want... it doesn't work that way.... God gives me exactly what I need. It may not be what I think I want at the time, and I could throw a toddler fit, but God always provides me exactly what I need. I didn't rub some lamp, he didn't pop out and say you have 3 wishes, what do you want. This life isn't meant to be easy, if it was wouldn't it be Heaven, and then what would the point be of being here?
I know I have thought I have been praying my butt off this entire year plus and it seems like H is still stuck! So my question to myself is why do I think I'm automatically going to get my way, just like that? My answer is, I don't know, but I'm changing my thinking. I'm still praying, and still want my marriage to be restored, but I'm not getting bent out of shape about it anymore. God has a plan, and whatever his will is will be, and his timing is waaaaaay different from my timing. I've always been patient, but this MLC is even testing my patience.... but I will continue to "be still in the Lord and wait patiently." (Psalm 37:7).
I have this strange picture in my head, but it works for me. I picture God up there looking down, but when he looks down he can see everything from beginning to end in each person's life, and who knows, maybe something far worse could have happened with H (or anyone else's spouse) if this MLC crap didn't.... but that's not for us to know, as hard as that is to accept.
Another scenario I have in my head.... some day when I die and I have to answer for everything, not sure how that works, but let's just say we have to review our lives. I want to know I did the best I could and I want God to say, "You were given a lot of trials, but you didn't give up, you handled them well, well done...." Something along those lines..... anyway, I think things like that when H drives me totally crazy.... of course my yelling at him the other week, not my most shining moment but, hey, I'm human. lol
Been thinking some other stuff too T, but that will have to wait till another time, I feel like I'm typing a book! LOL And it's getting late. Any thoughts on the strange workings of my mind?
Snodderly~ I'm glad to hear everyone made it through the storm safe and well. H has continued to watch tv with me in the evenings, and have normal conversations, it's been nice. I still have no expectations, but I'm enjoying this while it lasts. Monday night he even said to me, "I had a good time watching tv with you." I thanked him and said I enjoyed it too. Last night he actually told me he may not be home until late tonight. I thanked him for telling me, and informed him I wouldn't be home until late because I had a parent event for work tonight. I said I would probably be home around 8 or 9. He said he would be later like 11 or 12. I said yeah, I won't be that late, and thanked him again for letting me know. He hasn't done that in months. He also took it upon himself to vacuum the living room rug and sweep all the floors upstairs one day earlier in the week. IDK what tomorrow holds, but this week has actually been, dare I say, nice...
Oh and totally unrelated, I'm totally caught up with Once Upon a Time!!!
hrm, Mlcers have a way of testing us all of the time and we don't even know it. The drive in the car could have been a test, but you'll never know. They are kids at heart and in many instances love to get under our skin and they will continue to do so until we snap. You have been a complete puzzle to him because he has not seen you react to his madness.
As for your epiphany, that is absolutel correct. God doesn't necessarily give you what you want, but what you need. God also wants us to work right along w/him in providing you what you need and that's why the lessons are hard and once we learn them, we can move on to new ones.
I'm glad your h has been helping out around the house. Enjoy the help while it lasts and I'm very happy to see that it has actually been nice in your home.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly~ I've just decided to think of everything H does as a test. LOL It's easier that way! I'm sure he really is wondering what the heck is going on with me, I do not react at all to any of the irritating things he does, I'm just kinda like whatever and just keep doing my thing.
I am enjoying the seemingly normal for the moment, I'm sure it will be changing soon with the holidays right around the corner and my birthday next week..... On the up side I've already experienced being ignored through it all last year so..... In theory I should be ok this year.... In theory of course. I wonder if I will get the same "for what it's worth happy birthday" line I got last year.... guess I'll find out Tuesday.... Oh the joys of MLC! It's the trying to not take the emotional part personally that is hard for me, so the next couple of months should be interesting.... holidays, his dumbass sister having a baby (that poor child!), watching him try to be everything to everyone except his wife........
"Everything is a test" is great way to keep your sanity, I agree!! I am glad you are getting a bit of respite from H's storm, enjoy it while its here, this is where living in the "now" pays off...lol!
I really liked your thoughts on God giving us what we need, and that He can see the whole picture/timeline...which makes sense to me as He is omnipotent, so there is no need to operate in linear time like us humans. Past, future, present is one BIG moment or picture, sort of...idk.
Happy Birthday in advance!!
You Rock!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thank you T!!! And thank you for the advanced happy birthday wishes!
A bit of updating, yesterday was interesting. I was having one of those not really able to get it together emotional moments, and I don't even know why (maybe it has something subconscious to do with my birthday on Tuesday). Lots of tears, wasn't going to go to church, but I had to, I had to turn in my Christmas Child box.
I hate crying in front of people, but I was still teary at church. I saw my pastor as I walked in and told him I was having a hard time keeping it together, he took me aside and prayed for me right there, I thought that was nice. Then he walked me in and had me sit in the pew with him and his wife. I was finally able to pull it together enough to get through the service.
My dear friend came over later and she let me vent. Every now and then reminding me H is crazy right now. LOL We had decided to go hiking at the old turnpike tunnels again, we love it there. Somewhere in that decision we decided we would hike it in it's entirety and back.... which is 17 miles.... great plan.
During our hike my mom texted me and bailed on our shopping trip for today for my birthday (which was her idea, and I had really been looking forward to) with an excuse I didn't think sounded all that true, anyway...I was really bummed about that, and was already in a crappy mood, so I did a bit more venting and apologized to my friend saying I feel like I should be over this already (meaning H's shenanigans) and be done crying. She stops in the middle of the trail, looks all serious and says, "Oh my God Heather you are human!", and pretends to look shocked, it got us both laughing, which is what I needed, and point made.
We had a great time on our hike, in retrospect though it was probably really a bad idea and very dangerous thing to be doing seeing as how we didn't get back to the car until 8:30 and with the short days it gets dark by like 5:30......don't worry, we've already talked to ourselves about the potential dangers (raped, murdered, eaten by a bear....).
On our way back home I told her I forgot to turn the porch light on, I always freaking do that, not a big deal, but would have been nice to be able to see my way to the door. Well when we pulled up to the house H had actually turned the porch light on for me, that was a nice surprise.
As I was walking up to the door I stopped, I couldn't believe it, H had actually taken down the remaining Halloween decorations!!! He was watching the Walking Dead when I hobbled into the house. I think he may have been a bit annoyed that I wasn't there watching it with him (gotta eat that cake I suppose). I thanked him for turning on the porch light and taking down the decorations. He acted like it was no big deal. He then told me they were replaying the episode at 10 if I wanted to watch it. I told him there was no way I could stay awake that long. He said well they will repeat it before the new episode next week. I thanked him for letting me know.
Later he asked if I was ok, I said yeah, I just can't walk and laughed, he asked me if I was drunk! I told him I wasn't and said I had been hiking, and told him how far and partially in the dark. He seemed really annoyed by that. Oh gee can't show we care.
At the next commercial break he came back and asked where we had been hiking. I told him. He then asked if that was through the tunnels (which I have told him before it was) I said yeah, through two of the old one's. He looked really displeased and made a comment about that not being very safe. I told him we knew that, and already yelled at ourselves.
The one other thing that I found interesting was Saturday evening I had asked him if I could use the easy pass for the turnpike and he actually asked where I was going. I told him King of Prussia. He didn't ask anything else, I'm sure he realized in was for the mall. That kind of through me off, he never really just comes right out and asks me where I'm going anymore, usually just fishes for information. Strange. But then again what isn't these days!
Anyway, still going shopping today without mom, my dear friend said she would go with me. Which is nice, it's such a long drive!
hrm, I'm so sorry you were having emotional moments yesterday, but your friend is right...you are human! Those moments catch us at the oddest times, but that's okay, your pastor was there to support you, just as your friend was too.
You had a beautiful day to hike and I'm sure you got plenty of fresh air and exercise. Please be careful hiking that far and especially w/the days being shorter. You could have fallen or worse, someone could have come upon you and done bodily harm.
Your h appears to be settling down a bit w/his crazy behavior. That was very nice of him to have the porch light on and the decorations down. One less thing you had to worry about.
Enjoy your shopping today and pick up something extra special for yourself. I don't know which day is your birthday, but I'm going to send you greetings today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
