The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

Arsene I really worry about you mate. You need support out there, even if it's just a friend to have a beer with and listen to your troubles.

Thanks mate. You are right but I didn't ask for this sitch. I'm trying to deal with what I've got as best I can. If I was back home I'd have a better support system but I'm not. I made a choice to be here for the sake of D8 and to try to save my marriage and now, I'm committed to it. It isn't easy but I'm getting my head around it little by little but it takes time to build relationships/friendships especially that I'm not at my best right now.

Reading your posts this morning, made me realise something about you. Everything you do is with the intention of pleasing or meeting the needs of your D or your W.

What about You? Your existence on this planet isn't to just fulfil an obligation. Everyday of your life, every breath, is an opportunity to be happy, sad, make a difference etc...

Again I hear you mate. You are right when you say that my whole life revolves around my D8. It does and it has to right now because the other person in her life isn't around. Again, if you've read my thread you know that I've been settling here for the last few months. I didn't have the benefit of a job, a home, friends or anything when I was handed this plate. I've been working on it and it's starting to happen but again, things take time. I've been playing a lot of music and using my gig to meet people and extend my network and I've been doing my meditation classes and swimming for myself. As far as the rest, D8 is my main priority.

You have a defense mechanism and you know what it is? DB.
DB is a toolkit, a strategy, a support mechanism, an online community.

We don't live in a DB vacuum, real life is going on all the time. Don't be scared of making decisions because of what a book said, that book isn't a literal one size fits all help book. It is there to help you, not hinder you.

I agree with you here again. I know that it is a guide but until it goes wrong, I see no reasons to improvise. I've been following LRT pretty much to a T and I have seen progress. Now I understand what you are saying however for the time being, I'm for sticking with what works instead of getting on the band wagon. Once LRT stops working, which it might based on many things I've read here and in other places, I'll consider all of your advice and I think I'll be well equipped to handle it. People have been saying this is a marathon since I got here yet sometimes I feel like they all want me to speed up. I have to pace myself.

One of the best things it says in the book, is to do what works.

Is it working? Are you just being a 'Nice Guy'?

I think that right now, it's working. I might change my mind on this later, though.

You need to re-read these posts and find the courage to take charge of your life.

Do what Denver suggested, 'live for the here and now, not what might be'.

This is something I'm coming around to these days. Slowly working my way out of denial.

If you still think we are all wrong, and that we just don't get your sitch, think again. When your life is turned upside down and you lose things, people you held dear it hurts just the same.

I don't actually think you are all wrong. I can see most of what is being said here has a lot of wisdom behind it. A lot of it is also backed up by experience so i would be a fool to dismiss it. I am not dismissing anything right now. I am moving at my pace. I'm in no hurry to see this or that happen right now. Frankly, I wouldn't know what to do if W decided to come back tomorrow. I still have a lot to work on me for the time being. My list of 180s was a tall order and I want to make sure I get this right.

Time to start living for you, not the past.

Bill

Thanks Bill. Your concern is really appreciated. My main thing right now, even more important than what this thread suggests, is to find a new direction to my life.

Unlike many people around here, I'm not settled into anything. This happened to me at a junction in my life. I was between jobs, between homes, between countries, between cities with my whole life packed in about 20 boxes and now on top of this I'm now between marital statuses. It caught me totally off guard, literally with my pants down. Now in the last few months I managed to get this new job, as well as a few opportunities (managing a cafe and a band), and I've got my music. I'm not sure where I'm going yet but I need to make that decision and follow through on it. The way I'm thinking about it now, I'm giving everything a go and see what happens. It'll keep me busy and my mind off things.