New to the site...

[heartbroken5]

Hello,

How should I begin? I think everyone knows why I am here. I am in the middle of a divorce. I stumbled on this site when I typed "husband filed for divorce and I don't want it" into the google search. I began reading through each and ever thread in search of hope. The threads are surely relateable and inspiring. The mere fact of reading other people's stories knowing that I am not alone, helps. When I read threads from Husbands, I wished mine felt the same. My story goes.... Me, 37, H 38, M 5 years, T 9 years, no children. I truly believed that we were meant for one another. I still believe this in my heart. Our marriage wasn't perfect, but we had wonderful times. But when it was bad, it was really bad. There are always two sides to every story, but the bottom line is that my husband (a social butterfly) desired to be out more than he desired to be my spouse. Our arguments were always the same; him going out too much and staying out too late. It really hurts to type all of this, because on the surface it seems that really we shouldn't be together... my heart feels differently though. Aug 31 he left the house after a huge argument, and refused to come back until I left our home and said that he wanted a divorce. I told him that I wouldn't fight him regarding the D, but I didn't want it. He filed on 9/22. I ended up moving out a month later. We have barely talked. I've attempted to keep my distance and early on he would call in drunken angry rants. On 10/22 I submitted my acknowledgement to the courts. I don't want this divorce. I want my husband back, my life, him. He left a letter w/the D papers saying that it was the hardest thing he had to do in life and that he hoped that I find happiness even if it's with someone else. However since that his emotions have been all over the place. I want to call every day, I tried but stopped early on. The last time we spoke it was about me getting the rest of my things from the home. My mind tells me it's too late, there has to be an OW, he would be too prideful to stop and reconcile, but my heart cant seem to let go. I've ordered the book and hope to get it soon. I just don't know if I am getting caught up in mythical thinking or if I should just stop hoping that we can get back when clearly he doesn't want anything to do with me.