The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

We ALL know that you love your W... That you're trying anything and everything to get back together with her.

But all of us outside of your situation are seeing the same thing... What you're doing now is simply NOT working.

For anyone.

Including your D.

I completely understand the social stigma you're dealing with here, and your reluctance to be open and honest with people you aren't particularly close with...

But the biggest issue I see is... well... You're not being honest with yourself right now.

Yeah, I can see that mate! I've not been able to contemplate life without W. It just doesn't make sense.

You, much like me, are grasping at straws... searching high and low of ANY signs of a thaw in your situation...

But in that desperation to see progress, you're sabotaging the hard work you've been doing.

The facts are the facts here Arsene... While she MIGHT be rethinking her decision... she's taking ZERO action in rectifying the damage she's done.

I know and this is difficult to accept right now.

A few posts on FB, a couple cryptic conversations, and spending a little more time at the house...

What you see as progress... I see as the strengthening of the limbo you're in...

I have to disagree with you on this one. We went from arguing on a daily basis (or pretty much whenever we met) to actually talking and even enjoying each other's company. I know I'm not there yet but that is progress. I think my W has managed to get through her anger towards me and is starting to realise that there might be something worth thinking about. To me that is progress. As far as the FB stuff and all that you are right, I do let it affect me more than it should, considering what it is.

I do see where you might be coming from AT but with all due respect, our situations are very different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The issue of boundaries is one I have considered and one I am no ready to embrace just yet. Perhaps the day will come but that day is not today.

JMO.

I read a LOT about you "getting back to backing off" and "going back to GALing"... and then a post or two later, you're talking about yet another asinine conversation your W baited you into.

And that wouldn't be a big issue if you were able to simply shrug it off and move on... but at this point... you can't... you analyze, you interpret, and you look for signs of life in the wastelands...

I guess I count myself lucky that my W isn't dropping by the house or trying to have conversations with me anymore...

I don't know if I agree with you here either mate. When she stops showing an interest I'll be wondering. Right now, I like that she is interested, my issue is I don't like that I can't resist her. I want to keep her interested but distance myself from her emotionally and even physically.

But you know what? I'm pretty sure I created that lucky streak once I really and truly set the boundaries I set.

Again, not something I want to do now. I don't think this is the right time to set such a boundary as yours in my sitch.

And It was the hardest thing I've had to do... To truly realize that I HAD TO stop grasping at every kind word she might say... every moment of doubt she had... and every dying ember of a doomed relationship... because my heart told me that if I tried hard enough, I could reignite that old flame...

But that old flame...

It burned out...

Or more accurately: It burned our F-in old relationship to the ground... and I had to stop staring at those smoldering ashes and remembering how great it USED to be...

Arsene, you HAVE to figure out how to let her go... You HAVE to let her try to find her own way in this world WITHOUT you... because as long as you're there to catch her when she stumbles, you'll be exactly where you are today...

Yup mate. That I have to do. Total agreement with you on this. The toughest thing to do as well.
Much easier said than done when there is a kid involved as well as the constant contact which is now needed for me to stay in this country.

And we all know that's not a place worth living in.

GET YOUR A$$ BACK IN THIS FOXHOLE PRIVATE.

Thanks for your time AT. I truly appreciate your input. Cheers!