I'm fearful because when I look forward, I see a loveless M. We will have mastered all the correct forms of interaction and communication, like a perfectly choreographed dance step. We will go places and do things and appear the perfect couple. But there won't be any feeling to back it up, because we both had to squash and bury what we really felt (him: wished he was with college sweetheart, kids and siblings are most important; me: honesty and openness are critical, spouses come first before all others) in order to "salvage the M."
I can tell you that a lot of people have got past such things and have had very good marriages. The key is that perspective again. I can see you don't "see" it in the future. But that is just one possibility. Seriously. Life isn't perfect. It is not butterflies and sunshine. But accepting that is a very different kettle of fish, is it not?
I don't know what you can and cannot do. I can tell you that if you leave, either physically or just emotionally, there will come a time your decision is made for you. It's the nature of things because there are two imperfect people in that R. Is what it is.
I'm not saying it's ever too late. I'm saying that your choices and his are intertwined. You cannot control him and his choices or his reactions to your choices. Anymore than he can control yours, right?
Finding that way to get past those issues is the trick. The fact that he even wants to get help or make changes says a lot. He could walk away too, right? But he hasn't. He's looking for help. Why is that?
I realize it's hard. I do. I don't think it's any harder than any other couple though. And I don't think it's impossible at this point. But I do think there is some hard work ahead.
No matter what happens, it's obvious you do love him even if not romantically right now. It seems the question is if you can find a way to love him more than you do. If you both can change in a mutually beneficial way.
How come you didn't leave him before? Why not when the EA occurred?
You'll need to answer these and many more questions. Now or later. Can't avoid them even if you don't post them
I wish you the best no matter what happens, CV. I really do. I try to be helpful, but wonder sometimes if I am more hurtful than helpful. Let me know if that's the case. I'll cry quietly if so
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
