And I Continue Forward... Through the Silence

[Denver_2010]

The question AT is can you nibble and not bite ?
Spit it out if its off ?
Or just skip over all together with not much thought in the process?
Not concerned about the outcome?
Not dwelling on a reply for hours?

I agree with all of what Chatter and Starsky just said. Totally good with the nickel tip btw.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Hmm... I F-IN LOVE the feedback here... A few good angles to consider.

I'm looking at it this way: I haven't put a whole lot of thought into it after posting the planned "Sorry to hear you're going through a sh!tstorm W. The rest of the $ will be in your account in the morning. (Adding a quick explanation of the accounting issue that caused the delay) Take care of yourself." reply...

I do like the "Knowing you'll get it all figured out" part that Starsky added too...

I think I may go ahead and use this as a litmus test for myself... As I FEEL like I'll be able to fire off that "nickel tip" message and have it leave my mind once I close out the browser... If that's the case, then I'll feel more validated in my "gut instinct" in these types of situations...

If, on the other hand, I find myself checking that email in hopes of a response, or thinking about how she'll perceive the message tomorrow morning, I'll know that I'm not quite ready for the "nickel tip" treatment and simply go back to brushing off the bait in the future.

I'm extremely skeptical that this is a way for her to bait me into an OR talk... But my mind-reading skills are exactly as good as everyone else's are (read: They S*ck)...

Hell, if this IS bait, and I nibble and spit it out... I'll count that as one of the major victories of this war I'm in... probably one of the biggest 180s I could EVER demonstrate (not trying to fix EVERY problem in her life)

And if I take the bait and get into an OR talk... Well I'll need LITERAL 2x4s... to the back of the head... Until I'm spitting picking up my teeth off the ground like they've been there before...

I'm confident in this: I WON'T be baited into any sort of R talk while OM is in the picture...

I picture that conversation going something like this:

W: Leading question: (You're not fighting for me... Why haven't you called, What are your plans for the future)

Me: So, quick question... Are you still talking to OM?

W: Yes

Me: Sorry, but as I said before, until OM is out of the picture, there is no us. Feel free to reach out when you decide you truly want to work on our R, but I'm going to live my life and continue finding happiness on my own.

I'll ponder this for a little bit more before throwing the brakes on this line of though.

And Let me reiterate: You guys are awesome!

[Denver_2010]

Hmm... I F-IN LOVE the feedback here... A few good angles to consider.

I'm looking at it this way: I haven't put a whole lot of thought into it after posting the planned "Sorry to hear you're going through a sh!tstorm W. The rest of the $ will be in your account in the morning. (Adding a quick explanation of the accounting issue that caused the delay) Take care of yourself." reply...

I do like the "Knowing you'll get it all figured out" part that Starsky added too...

I think I may go ahead and use this as a litmus test for myself... As I FEEL like I'll be able to fire off that "nickel tip" message and have it leave my mind once I close out the browser... If that's the case, then I'll feel more validated in my "gut instinct" in these types of situations...

If, on the other hand, I find myself checking that email in hopes of a response, or thinking about how she'll perceive the message tomorrow morning, I'll know that I'm not quite ready for the "nickel tip" treatment and simply go back to brushing off the bait in the future.

I'm extremely skeptical that this is a way for her to bait me into an OR talk... But my mind-reading skills are exactly as good as everyone else's are (read: They S*ck)...

Hell, if this IS bait, and I nibble and spit it out... I'll count that as one of the major victories of this war I'm in... probably one of the biggest 180s I could EVER demonstrate (not trying to fix EVERY problem in her life)

And if I take the bait and get into an OR talk... Well I'll need LITERAL 2x4s... to the back of the head... Until I'm spitting picking up my teeth off the ground like they've been there before...

I'm confident in this: I WON'T be baited into any sort of R talk while OM is in the picture...

I picture that conversation going something like this:

W: Leading question: (You're not fighting for me... Why haven't you called, What are your plans for the future)

Me: So, quick question... Are you still talking to OM?

W: Yes

Me: Sorry, but as I said before, until OM is out of the picture, there is no us. Feel free to reach out when you decide you truly want to work on our R, but I'm going to live my life and continue finding happiness on my own.

I'll ponder this for a little bit more before throwing the brakes on this line of though.

And Let me reiterate: You guys are awesome!

I think that that ^^^ is a good plan. All of it.

[Am I Too Late]

I agree with the way this will be handled by you AT.

But, for my own knowledge, is this an "Intentional" baiting?

Are WS that consciously devious?

Regardless, the response should be the same, whether it's intentional or not.

I initially was going with just plain old ignoring that "chit-storm" comment completely, but my thinking has not advanced enough to think outside the lines of the 2 obvious choices, reply or ignore.

I'm glad to be learning from all of your more advanced perspectives.

Ed

[labug]

What are your reasons for leaving the "nickel tip", AT? I have a friend who was a waitress and if you did that and returned, you'd get not just bad service at the next visit. :0 I know that my friend is an excellent waitress, and sometimes people are just jerks and leave nickel tips because they think it's funny. The nickel tip in the restaurant game is meant to be punitive, devaluing.

I'm curious, AT, what your thoughts are.

[Denver_2010]

But, for my own knowledge, is this an "Intentional" baiting?

Are WS that consciously devious?

Yes. Absolutely.

[labug]

And for the record, I think you should ignore the message completely if you don't want a conversation with her.

[AlkalineThoughts]

What are your reasons for leaving the "nickel tip", AT? I have a friend who was a waitress and if you did that and returned, you'd get not just bad service at the next visit. :0 I know that my friend is an excellent waitress, and sometimes people are just jerks and leave nickel tips because they think it's funny. The nickel tip in the restaurant game is meant to be punitive, devaluing.

I'm curious, AT, what your thoughts are.

Thanks LA for the question... In all honesty, I don't see this as an actual "Nickle Tip" type situation... As my response to her, I feel, is kind, caring and rational without being "pursuing". I'm merely using the "Nickle Tip" nomenclature that's been tossed around here for this situation.

As I understand it, the TRUE "Nickle Tip" thing is to sort of teach a lesson, and I can't see how any word of my response is to teach any sort of lesson.

It's merely to acknowledge the words she took the time to write, but not be baited into an R talk. Wish her well and move on.

If it turns into an R talk... well then it does, and I'm confident in how I'll be able to respond to that particular talk.

I waited tables for many years, and I know exactly what a nickle tip gets you the next time you walk in to that restaurant! Again, my point here is NOT to be punitive in any way, but to acknowledge and move on.

Hope this clears it up a bit!

[AlkalineThoughts]

But, for my own knowledge, is this an "Intentional" baiting?

Are WS that consciously devious?

Yes. Absolutely.

For the most part, I agree with Denver here... That WAS are often devious (whether consciously or unconsciously... it doesn't much matter)... and I VERY well might be wrong in thinking this isn't an intentional baiting.

Only time will tell.

[Am I Too Late]

But, for my own knowledge, is this an "Intentional" baiting?

Are WS that consciously devious?

Yes. Absolutely.

For the most part, I agree with Denver here... That WAS are often devious (whether consciously or unconsciously... it doesn't much matter)... and I VERY well might be wrong in thinking this isn't an intentional baiting.

Only time will tell.

Wow. I am just starting to learn. I feel so naive learning this so far down the road. I know how devious the lies, alibis and other secrets are, but what is the WS purpose of this supposed baiting?

Are they taking a temperature check on our hoop jumping willingness still?

No need to answer, as i was just taking notice.

Ed