I was catching up on some of your threads, since I was away for awhile. And a random thought came to my mind. Several people who I visited with over the past two weeks seem to think I am going to get back together with my X. In the first place, he has shown nothing but devotion to OW.
And in the second, and most important place, I wouldn't take him back if he came gold plated. I don't think I could ever put myself back to that person I was. I let him treat me like dirt for years. I put his every need first. I always thought of his wants, needs and desires. I'm not even sure he was ever aware of my wants, needs and desires.
His position is that I treated him badly. And I am remined of the "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" problem. Because now I see most of our problems were problems for a very long time.
He blames me for all that has gone wrong. And I am willing to take 50% of the blame. But when all went sour, I tried to work on the marriage, and he NEVER did. He lied, he lied some more, and then he lied even more.
When we made our one and only visit to the marriage counselor, she suggeated to him that perhaps he talk to me 30 minutes a day. He looked like she had suggested he eat dog poop for dinner. But he now happily, for the past 18 months, has spend loads of time talking and texting with OW. I dare say they talk an average of 100 minutes a day. And text and send each other plenty of photos. Photos I sure don't want to see....
As I work myself through all this I realize that I will never hear certain words come out of his mouth and not know those are OW's words. (Super, Awesome, Cool) And he eats most of his meals with a big spoon now, because OW most often eats with a big spoon, so she doesn't make a mess. It always made me laugh, when we were friends, how darn silly....
I accidently broke my old laptop, and when I told X, he said that was okay, I could use my desktop. Seriously? We have not had a desktop computer in this house for 5 years. And that is why, a year ago he went and bought his own laptop. Because I, according to him, am always using the laptop. But somehow this week he has me confused with OW, who has a couple each laptops, desktops and a netbook thrown in for her dog to use.
So as we each go through this rollercoaster journey, first we try to not ride the ride with them, and then we watch the ride from afar, then we walk around the park only hearing the screams now and then, and finally we go to the other end of town, and we know that rollercoaster is there, but we just don't care about it anymore.
I know this is a site for Dbing. But not every marriage can be saved. And we have to continue to live, love and laugh. So I am. And I guess I will end with, a shout out to Ellie. You know those ham sandwiches you tell me the universe is trying to hand me? Boy Howdy are there some great ham sandwiched floating around.
While at the yoga camp, I attended the Sunday services. And ended up seated by this 6'plus goodlooking guy. After the services, I was talking with him and the girl with him. She is moving to the Big Island (Hawaii) where there is another branch of this group. So she gave me her address. And I called the big guy her boyfriend, and she assured me he was not her boyfriend.
Later he pulled me aside and was asking me about being divorced, and the meditation part of the camp. And then, drum roll please, he asked for my phone number and email address. I haven't heard from him, but that doesn't matter. He asked!
So that is where I'm at. Shuffling off to Buffalo. Moving on. Seeing what amazing things life has in store for me. Praying and meditating on all that worries me, and then letting go!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
