Thanks for the replies Denver and Chatter... Chatter, I'll certainly take you up on that offer next time I'm back in the center of the state! And if you're ever in the mood to head a few hours south... well let me know!
So there's a minor development today... and in all honesty, I'm probably simply typing it up here just because, as I'm already pretty certain of what I'll do... But let's see.
I had to forward W a few new items for work, as I do just about every week. Normally, I get a quick "Thanks... I'll have these done by X" response... sometimes a "Take Care" sometimes not...
Well this time, I sent it off, as usual, with just a "Here you are. Hope you're doing well"... as has become the m.o. over these last couple months.
She replied back a few hours later with the usual "I'll have this done by X" but went into a little more detail than usual... She asked about a small financial matter to do with the timing of her check (as she only received 1/2 payment on the first of the month with the rest to follow tomorrow due to an accounting problem... she said it kinda messed her up, but she knows that her payments are normally not paid in full until the 10th of the month)...
Then, she said "other than that (referencing the financial issue) and dealing with quite a sh!tstorm at the moment, I am good. Hope you are as well".
Now I KNOW these are the "breadcrumbs" that a few of you talk about... but in my semi-vulnerable state, I'm tempted to respond to that statement in some way when I reply about the resolution of the financial issue later tonight.
I was thinking a simple "Sorry to hear you're going through a sh!tstorm W. The rest of the $ will be in your account in the morning. (Adding a quick explanation of the accounting issue that caused the delay) Take care of yourself."
Would this be a mistake... most notably the first line? Something tells me not to ignore it, but also not to take the bait and ASK about it... simply acknowledge and move on...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm tempted to respond to that statement in some way when I reply about the resolution of the financial issue later tonight.
I am still new and our sitches are different, but DB'ing is not and really would guide you to ignore that. It is truly a breadcrumb. if she wants to share more, she will. Dont set yourself up for disappointment.
W: 40 Me: 44 M: 12 years Together: 14 Three children (S-4, D-3, S-1) EA started in April, discovered in 07/12 ILYBNILWY: 07/12 MC Started: 09/12 Patience Tested: 1,245,963 times since 07/12
My advice is usually to IGNORE something like this, as the others have said, OR to acknowledge HEARING it . . . but without trying to SOLVE it in any way.
"Sorry to hear about your sh*tstorm, (Wife). Knowing you you'll get it all figured out, I'm sure."
(or something similar)
The concept of it is the same as leaving a nickel tip at a restaurant where you got cr*ppy service, rather than leaving NOTHING. If you leave NOTHING, they think you may have just forgotten, whereas the nickel sends a clearer message. In this case, it may be stronger to actually validate having HEARD her problem, and saying something that indicates that YOU are not going to solve it.
Just a thought. I'm certainly fine with "ignore," too.
The question AT is can you nibble and not bite ? Spit it out if its off ? Or just skip over all together with not much thought in the process? Not concerned about the outcome? Not dwelling on a reply for hours?
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
