It's because you're the closest one to him. It happens all the time. They spend time lashing out at you because they can't take the blame themselves.
Here's what you should do. Distance yourself. If he tries to drag you into an argument, tell him that you're not sure why he's so angry, that you sympathize with how he feels, but you will not be the one whom he beats up. Then distance yourself physically.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I know its confusing on how they act, and your husband is confused right now too.. he is cake eating.. and all the talk in the world can make him think you are going to be done, but just like you say you will only believe actions, not words.. he is doing the same thing with you.. because your words, don't match your actions...
Once your actions of "being done" match your words of "being done" he will notice... and yes right now he is blame shifting... trying to make you feel guilty for something you did, to take that guilt off of his shoulders...
he also is cake eating like you said... getting the best of both worlds.. I know how hard it is, I wish I were stronger those first few days to realize how amazing and wonderful I am... to say, you can walk this path, but I can't walk it with you... not right now...
time is your friend... time to learn how to live a life without him, you may even like it... how to stop being codependent on eachother.. and how learn how to not need eachother... but want to be together with eachother because you want to... date eachother... take a break from eachother... learn how to breathe again... how to not let this affair consume you.. because if you let it, it will... and it will eat you alive... and you will miss so many amazing things about your life in the process...
It's fall.. the BEST time of year... go on walks... make new friends... find a new hobby... go to a park.. clear your head...
I know all of this is easier said than done.. and YES going strictly no contact is hard... and it may not be the best DB technique for you... perhaps its not letting it bother you, being happy and content and making the best of your day without them... or not bringing up the marriage or talking about it until its dead... but letting them come to you... not pushing... not proding.. not harrasing... not bombarding...
i know you are hurting... you are mad... you are upset... and you deserve to be.... but everyone is hurting in these situations.. even your husband... and if when he comes around you if all you do is remind him of the bad person he has been... he will push you away more...
I just think for now, it wouldn't be bad to just take a break from the situation for a while... to just take care of you.. and focus on your goals and your life and yourself right now... there is nothing wrong with that...
M-28 H-28 M-9 1/2 years T- 12 years PA- 01/02/12 (still going on)
It's because you're the closest one to him. It happens all the time. They spend time lashing out at you because they can't take the blame themselves.
Here's what you should do. Distance yourself. If he tries to drag you into an argument, tell him that you're not sure why he's so angry, that you sympathize with how he feels, but you will not be the one whom he beats up. Then distance yourself physically.
I know its confusing on how they act, and your husband is confused right now too.. he is cake eating.. and all the talk in the world can make him think you are going to be done, but just like you say you will only believe actions, not words.. he is doing the same thing with you.. because your words, don't match your actions... Once your actions of "being done" match your words of "being done" he will notice...
Not sure what I am doing. He wanted to talk after Thanksgiving then avoided me. I got frustrated and he gave me the "I don't know what I want speech". I backed way off. We stopped speaking as often. He has denied saying anything about us getting back together or that there was even hope we could. I think he's seeing her again full time. On Friday I was totally dark. He finally left a message after midnight saying I was not picking up any calls and does that mean I won't even say Hi to him anymore. Something in all this disgusts me honestly and that is why I won't speak to him. When I do I am sick. Sick of his entitlement. Sick that I have not just told him where to go yet. Sick that she's crazy and unstable and STILL seems to have the upper hand. I am resigning myself to moving on. I have a good feeling this is not temporary and will last a long while more before I file. Yes, I do think it will come to that. Either it will wake him up or it won't but either way I need out of this limbo hell now. So he didn't contact me all weekend. I said I was out of town. Today he called (odd) to let me know he was on his way to the doctor. I mentioned taking better care of himself and he nearly took of my head he bit back with - it's not about taking care of myself... Ok. Then I hope someday it's all better for you. Then he had to get off the phone. He doesn't seem to like that I am not hanging on him anymore.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
I believe with all my heart if he got her out of his life we would heal. She has lied and he knows it was to get me out of the picture so he's not that brain dead about her. And I told him I am not comfortable trying to be in touch knowing there is someone who wants us broken up so bad they would stoop so low and that he refuses to get rid of her so that it ends and we have a fair shot. I also said that alone tells me where I stand and how important saving our marriage is to him.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
Other things that make me think he's thinking (but then I say who am I kidding, he hasn't been thinking for more than a year now lol).. He asked me what I "need" for Christmas this year. I said don't get me anything. He said why not. I said I have no money and it will be awkward when you get nothing from me. He said that doesn't matter. It does. I pointed out that our last Christmas together I was broke too and got him cheap things but things he needed. For the rest of Dec and all of Jan he did not let that go. I said I don't want that again so please just don't get me anything. He said, he was a jerk. He wasn't mad about that. He had other things (her) going on and was taking it out on me and looking for a reason to be mad at me. So? He sees the issues? or more BS? I am so used to living alone I am not even sure I want to do this anymore.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
