So, my first thought is, "That's great, but how long is this going to last?" In the past, he's only adjusted his behavior for a very short time. So I admit I'm responding less than enthusiastically. I've been duped too many times before. My concern is that it's going to take me a long time to believe it, and I don't know that H has the commitment to stick to it without getting what he wants in return sooner than I'm willing to give it.
Did you tell him this? He seems to be in a receptive state currently, maybe you should tell him this directly.
When he abruptly ended your conversation and went to bed, you found it insulting and you were hurt. It doesn't sound like you pointed that out to him. Instead, it seems liked you looked for an opportunity to turn the tables on him and punish him by mirroring his behavior. I'm not sure that's going to work for either of you if the goal is for both of you to be satisfied.
I think it might be more effective to tell him that you connect through conversation, so if going to bed early is a priority for him, he needs to start talking to you earlier. Another thing he can do is give you a 10 minute warning that "he's getting tired" so you know you can pursue the current line of conversation but maybe not start a new one, or you can make a rule that either of you can suspend conversation, but that you agree to resume it within 24 hours at a time both of you agree to and then see it through until both of you are done.
The "can I have sex now?" is obviously a red flag. I would never underestimate the lengths a man will go to in pursuit of sex if he's not getting any. You are obviously keenly aware of this too.
This puts you in a tough spot, because you don't want to withhold sex as punishment, or offer it as a reward for good behavior -- that's not what it's about. However, as long as he's hurting from a lack of sex, he's going to pursue it, and it's going to eat away at him. You knowing that the sex is a motivator for him will make it hard for you to trust his commitment.
I don't know what to do about that. I would probably tell him that if you are in a marriage you feel good about and your most important emotional needs are being met, you would expect to also be connecting with your husband through sex.
Let him work through what that means. Don't make it a punishment/reward thing or you'll get stuck.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
