I still don't get the whole car thing, all your exchanges regarding the car make it sound like it's hers and you're begging her to make allowances in her busy schedule for the tremendous inconvenience of ferrying you around. But it's your car, right? My attitude would be- "It's supposed to snow tomorrow, so I will be driving my car to work and home, just wanted to let you know so you can coordinate with someone if you need to get somewhere." If she needs YOUR car, then let HER come beg YOU for the honor. Not the other way around. Quit being a doormat.
No arguing about the car so far. We might get some snow today so they might not even go trick or treating. The morning was smooth, we talked and joked. Playful picking on each other and ran some errands before she dropped me off at work.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
So there were no arguements about the car. She made chili mid day and told me what there was for dinner. She then asked in text for money to buy the kids food b/c she wouldn't have time to cook for them and they don't eat chili.
So I reply ummm......ok...... Then that I have a little cash. We text about that. Later she calls me and explains why she won't have time.
Then she stops in for the money and she's very upbeat around me and the mutual friend. Confusing me and my friend b/c my friend told me that again over the weekend that GF was saying she's done, can't wait to move out, and friend should stop encouraging her to work on things.
She picks me up and drives me home. Plesant and she talks but I'm very quiet, just hoping I didn't come off as sulking.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
When they got home things were alright. Just relaxed and watched tv. Friendly with each other and the kids. Only place I might have screwed up is after she went to bed.
She texts me about the neighbors tv being up so loud. I respond they I haven't heard it. She says she can here it in the room she's been sleeping in and that maybe his bedroom is different than mine. I respond, "I think so. You should come back to bed with me...be better for your back too."
Her: I'm ok thanks Me: Ok. Sleep well. Her: Thanks.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
I don't know how to describe the car thing. Basically, right now, if my goal is to repair this R then viewing us as a single car family (not MY car) then it's this back and forth. What I am doing is saying nicely when I need a ride and/or when I will be taking the car with some advanced notice. As long as I don't do it in a pissy "MY car" way there isn't much grief for either of us. Hence why I'm taking the car this weekend and she can deal with figuring out rides, I gave her plenty of notice that I'll be taking it.
Quite bluntly, if I go into "MY car" mode I might as well just not bother trying to repair the R, give her notice that she needs to move out, and in 30 days if she's not evict her. I might as well just give up.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Quite bluntly, if I go into "MY car" mode I might as well just not bother trying to repair the R, give her notice that she needs to move out, and in 30 days if she's not evict her. I might as well just give up.
You act like you come here for advice, but then whenever it's offered you build these crazy "reasons" why you can't even try it. Let's look back at your last car convo:
Quote:
Texting:
Me: I saw something that there's a possibility of snow tomorrow evening. Do you know if Mtown trick or treat is still on?
Her: Yes it is
Me: Ok, I'm probably going to need a ride but I don't know anybody who can run me around. So I could go with you guys, drop you off, or you can run me home fast, what do you want to do? Or another idea?
Her: Idk yet
Me: Ok
So to summarize, it's going to snow and you have a car. You ask GF for a ride in YOUR car because you "don't know anybody who can run you around" and she just doesn't know if she can handle that, it might be too much of an inconvenience. So you say "OK" and wait for her to decide whether or not you can be incorporated into her busy schedule.
TOTAL DOORMAT!! That has got to stop! No woman respects a doormat! Dude, it's YOUR car!!! SHE needs to coordinate with YOU, not tell you to go take a hike so she can do whatever she wants! Now if you think that stopping the doormat behavior means you might as well kick her out and forget about reconciliation, then you've learned absolutely nothing from DR, 5LL, MMSLP and this forum.
Well, I addressed it again late last night. Not in the best of ways b/c it turned into a big arguement again about how I wrong I am about everything. In summary, and basically screwing up DB once again, I told that I wouldn't give my car to a friend or roommate so I'm going to act like she's my GF whether she acknowledges it or not....and that means to me coordination, not either one of us just taking advantage of it. That's how I'm going to act now, just talk to her as if she's my GF (instead of how she keeps insisting that she's not) and have the expectation that we will coordinate and work together.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Yesterday morning I had flirted with her without problem. Then as the day wore on and I was told about the weekend I let it affect me and fell into more of the same behavior.
This morning it continued with the car stuff and that's when I told her I'm going to treat her as my GF b/c I will treat a friend/roommate differently. After I took a shower she went for one and we were moving on. I flirted with her again and before I left told her she's my girl, hope she can open up to me again, and come back to the bedroom.
I told my friend not to feed me info anymore b/c all it does is cause problems. She told me ok and I will be keeping up my end by not asking for info.
Since I had told her that I'm going to treat her as my GF that I need to help de-stress before I walked out the door for work I texted her that I tonight I want her to relax while I rub her feet. She didn't respond to that but did respond when I told her to watch out for the crazy drivers today. My plan is to keep my alpha Fran, act as if, just do it, and see what happens.
No more "talk" or anything like that. As far as that alpha frame goes, tonight if she gives me a hard "no" about running her feet I'm going to have a "your loss" attitude. I'm going to work on lightening up, laughing and taking a joke, and shut up about how I "feel" but I will keep just acting like she's my girl and flirting with her.
No advice needed, this is more for me to reference to remind myself what to do.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Actually, I don't think there was anything wrong about your friend telling you what your W thought. Some of it is pure spew, but there are times where you can get valuable nuggets of information.
Like if she sees your efforts working. Sometimes it's like going to war. Know what you're up against. If she doesn't like the way you're doing something, you know how to change it and adjust.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The problem right now is the only info being brought my way is how my GF is decirving me and is done with me. It's how I'm a d**k about the car (which she said to me again last night) and how she's done with me. There hasn't been any positives, no mention of my efforts, no way I could do something better.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
