Paperwork almost done, but not me!

[AnotherStander]

I called her today because I would like to start taking the kids to church. Going to church is about the biggest 180 I can do for myself.

Going to church was not ever a issue during our marriage, but when I told her about what I would like to do, she said in a sarcastic tone "it's nice you finally decided to go to church."

Is your W a believer? I'm guessing she either isn't or is a fair weather believer. If so, then this could do more harm than good as far as the M goes, because she may see it as controlling. You might consider just going by yourself for a while and then ease the kids into it later.

So tonight w expressed some of her frustratations to me and I don't think I did a very good job of validating. I am not sure what to say when she tells me that she is unhappy and that if she stayed it would just continue and the kids would start to see it. Which in turn would have a negative impact on them.

Validating is not about agreeing or disagreeing, just acknowledging. "I can tell you're unhappy, I'm sorry you feel that way." "Are you frustrated? It sounds like you are. I can understand why you feel that way." Things like that. Don't argue, try to fix, explain, etc. Just validate.

Thinking about telling her that I am sorry that I have caused her so much unhappiness, but I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I assume you've already owned up to your part in this, if so there's no reason to keep going there.

That I only want to talk about what I can do now to help make her happy.

That would be trying to fix her. You can't, only she can do that. And don't offer to try and fix her. Again, just validate her emotions.

She has expressed that I never appreciated her anf still don't as a SAHM. How do I show her that I do without being a suck up?

Ask her how that makes her feel. Angry? Disappointed? "Yes, I can see why that makes you feel angry, I'm sorry I made you feel that way." Validate!

It seems like our conversations always go back to if she stayed she would be unhappy for the rest of her life. I know there is some message I am missing. Just having the hardest time figuring it out.

No message. She just thinks she's done. Give her time and space to sort her thoughts and emotions, that's all you can do.