Well W called me yesterday evening. It was a great 45 minute conversation filled with talking about all sorts of simple topics. She said she called "to ask me to pick up her prescription".
Ended the conversation and told her to have a great night sleep.. I think she was missing me and the dogs. I hope she will miss me anyways..
I work all day today, it will keep me occupies..
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I like Sandi's posts, she doesn't pull any punches, LOL! Great perspective from a former WAW!
Originally Posted By: Just A Guy
Sandi, I always appreciate your posts and growing a pair is what I AM wprking on... I am an appeaser I always have been. But I am slowly leaving that behind...
Apologies if this has been discussed in your thread already, but have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy? If not you might want to check it out, it's not at all what the title suggests but rather is a look at the hidden agenda most "nice" guys have and how to become a more balanced person. I know when I read it it was a real revelation for me, there were negative behaviors mentioned in it that I didn't even realize I had but rang true as soon as I read about them.
I am constantly trying to make progress... I was under the impression that I should let her have her space this weekend and let her communicate with me when she is ready... I don't do that as much at home anymore.
Working hard toward progress is admirable. Success if even better.
Giving her space and waiting for her to initiate communication is exactly what you need to do. That's an important part of DBing. I don't remember telling you to do the opposite.
I suppose I'm the one who is having problems communicating to you about the WAW.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No, its hard to get context sometimes on a computer screen... And I know success is even better. I will say that detaching while she is away is even EASIER than when she is home.. I think this is because we don't bump into each other 3-4 times a day. I am not saying I want a separation but id it comes to that it would definitely be easier to detach.
I will not be calling W for the rest of her retreat. She initiated contact with me last night which leads me to believe that when she wants to talk she will talk and that she does have those feelings of "I want to call him and hear his voice".
Sandi, I am telling you right now you are a major part of the small wins I have had already... Don't give up on me yet I will get there..
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
No contact today with the exception of a text from her this morning and one from me this evening... Hope she calls but I'm not holding my breath.. gonna get home to my pups and hang out...
W comes home tomorrow evening, gonna be interesting for me...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Last night W called me saying " I'm ready to come home". We proceeded to have an hour long conversation about everything from politics to work to our favorite laughs... Was really nice to hear her so engaged with me.
W came home just as I was leaving to go work out.. she said she missed the dogs and I. It felt good to hear that even though I an not putting much stock into the statement.
Tonight we are cooking a nice dinner together which I am excited for. It will be nice to have her in bed with me even though nothing has changed. I enjoy her presence.
It's supposed to be beautiful out the next few days hope that means it will be super busy at work. I feel really good today, I got a lot accomplished and still had enough time to take a nap.
Updates to come tomorrow. Thanks for the reads and replies by all..
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Soooooooo... Last night had a GREAT workout and came home to a great meal prepared by W. We sat to eat and then W started conversing about how I felt while she was gone and how she felt etc...
She told me that she missed me a lot but "In way like I miss my best friend". I know I am not supposed to take much stock in what she says and her missing me at all is better than some have. W proceeded to talk about some books she was reading and asked me about what books I have been looking into. She read a quote out of a book called "Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay" which she related to in regards to physical affections making her kinda uncomfortable right now and that if she feels that way that its time to leave the M according to the book..
I brushed it off, stayed posative and told her that although things look cloudy right now one thing I have learned is never to discount that anything can happen. there was a LOT more to the conversation as it was about 90 minutes long but the main thing is, I validated her points, I remained posative and I made sure to remain pressure free on any of my comments to her.
When we went to bed she grsped my hand. Felt good especially after she gave me the "I dont feel comfortabble with hysical touch right now" speech..
Our next MC session is Tuesday, I have a tingling suspission will be a tough session because we are getting to the point the MC wants to see some sort of sense of direction.. While I agree with her, right now I feel that the direction W will want to go is S... And if thats what needs to happen so be it.. W did say however that she does want to do some of the excersizes in the ILYBINILWY book. Hoping those will help a little..
So I feel a little down now trying to shake it off...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Work has been busy, great for keeping my mind off of things.. Been learning a TON and enjoying it.. I am aslo SERIOUSLY sore from yesterdays workout which is great cause I feel and see the results which means I am pushing myself the right amount.
I look better than I have in years.. Went from 235lbs to 178 right now in 6 months.. Pretty strong too.. My goal is to have a completely flat stomach by new years and to have a fully toned body by next summer. I know I can do it..
The next step is to continue to be the better option, although if she has already put me in friendville this is prolly a losing battle..
Its funny because almost all of my relationships have ended this way. Which [censored] and is going to provide me with insight to never have thid happen again...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
W continues to treat me as a friend.. I know it is better than being treated like total sh!t like in a lot of sitch's.. I am thankful for that..
AS I have started reading No more MR. Nice Guy... Great insight into many facets of my own life.. I never knew some of the mistakes I was making in the name of being "nice"...
W and I continue to do things together, and I continue to do things separate as well.. I cannot wait till my startup Co. has the patents on the new invention we came up with... We have several venture capital companies ready to invest which means TONS of travelling in the near future.. Not only that but the traveling will be in the field of my passion on pyrotechnics..
Onward to work...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
