Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[someguy1233]

I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts on cake-eating... I don't really want to be enabling her to run around and take advantage of me.

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When she was done she sent me an email that simply said, “All done.” She didn’t provide any details of how it went, etc. I didn’t ask since I figured she’d share if she wanted to.

Prior to going to the interview she emailed to tell me she was thinking about going out for happy hour with coworkers after the interview. She said she wouldn’t be home for dinner, but wouldn’t be out late. This ended up being untrue as she came home at 10:30PM. I was already in bed sleeping, but woke up when I heard her come home. I don’t think she knows that I woke.

She didn’t come into the bedroom and slept on the couch. She had moved back to our bed a couple weeks ago, so this really shook me.

This morning I was angry and bitter. I was angry that she lied and stayed out late. Over the years we’ve had many conversations about her staying out and not telling me. She knows I worry. All I’ve ever asked for is some sort of communication so I know what’s going on. I was angry at what I saw as backwards progress: she was back on the couch. I didn’t talk to her at all this morning. I only gave one or two word responses to anything she said. She was acting normal (our new “normal” given the situation).

Shortly before I left she grabbed my arms and said something like, “What’s the matter?”
I snapped back, “nothing.”
She walked away frustrated saying, “fine. Be that way. Walk around being all passive-aggressive. If you have a problem why don’t you just say what it is.”
I reached back for her and said, “Wait. Let’s talk about whatever this is.”
She brushed off my reach and walked away.

I don’t think this was successful DB behavior. Should I have ignored the fact that she stayed out and slept on the couch? Should I have continued acting as-if? The whole time I was angry I was just thinking about how freeing it would be to just end this myself.