RegretfulLA, I've been trying to read through all your threads. I will say, you have been very committed through all this, and you've had some serious resistance from your H. You should feel proud. I'll keep reading as I get a chance to catch up to current.
One thing that you posted about that I wanted to respond to HERE on the WAS forum is your confusion about him not eating with you or eating what you cook. I can probably explain that, at least in part.
First, as for eating with you, he doesn't want anything to appear "normal" because in his mind, it isn't. By distancing himself from normal actions, he's practicing stepping out of the M. It's one of the few things he can do to make this as real as possible w/o actually being D'd. If eating with his W and family is something that he would do in a happy M, he's going to avoid that because he doesn't have a happy M and doesn't want to fake it. It's as much a mental "lesson" for him as it is for you.
And he likely doesn't want to avail himself to more "normal" activities, like pleasant conversation about minutia at the dinner table.
He also doesn't want to do anything that YOU want him to and he's interpreting that you want him to eat with you. Call it punishment, call it disassociating, call it disconnecting -- it's all the same.
Simply, he believes he doesn't "like" you and doesn't want to do friendly things with you and then have you get the wrong idea.
His not eating the food you cook and leave out for him is his way of refusing a peace offering. He's probably fearful that if he accepts this, then you'll expect him to accept something else, and that becomes a landslide. Or worse, that if he accepts something from you, that you'll want something in return.
Bottomline, he's trying really hard to stay committed to his desire to D, and anything that goes against that or looks like it's not heading in that direction is rejected.
