Searching, trying - still going, but how?

[2chiquitos]

KG, Big big hugs to you.

You beat yourself up a lot but it's about your progress (not perfection).

Would you have apologized the way you did before all this??

Would you have identified the root of your anger before all this??

Would H have been receptive to your apology before all this?

You are growing at YOUR pace so if it takes you 2+ yrs then so be it!

You're on your way to getting it right!

And guess who benefits from all your progress (besides yourself)? YOUR CHILDREN! They are learning from YOU how to handle their pain/hurt/anger/frustrations.

How would you feel if your adult children came to you and said their spouse wants a divorce because of their anger?? That would blow me away! Not that it would be my fault but how much (or little) did I teach them to manage their emotions and not reACT but ACT?

So you caused a crisis. So what? You picked yourself up and dusted yourself off and now onward. Continue your journey. This was a learning experience. God give you these learning experiences to help you practice and you did well, you really did!

Listen, I woulda been P1SSED if H took out most of the $ and went on a vacation with OW. Meanwhile, D1 has only 1 pair of shoes that look worn out and very little winter clothes. Meanwhile, my fridge n cupboards always looks half empty. Meanwhile, I've been wearing the same clothes cuz I need to go shopping.

BUT remember... behind that anger is pain/hurt. I would rather H saw my pain/hurt than my anger. Not that I want him to feel guilty but my anger is what drove him away before OW was involved.

I hope you sleep well tonite. Remember, my offer stands for a playdate. ;-)