Pinkalicious!

[WenikiTiki]

The retreat was wonderful. Although I believe they are one short step away from being a cult. I had fun, learned lots and have given up cussing. They didn't turn me into a vegetarian, though!

It was great seeing family and friends. Between the retreat and my high school visit my ego is doing fine. M, oh my, there are a lot of men out there in the world who want to sit next to me when they hear the magic word "Divorced".

I think there is no shortage of decent men looking for women. And plenty of horn-dogs just looking to get laid! So I am studying the options. And laughing a little.

I went to a party Halloween night with my former sister-in-law. This good-looking 47 year old, who looked no older than 40, made quite a play for me. I told him he was suffering from "New Person-itus" and that he needed to work on his relationship with this blond who was hanging on his every word.

Whole lotta' therapy was needed in that room. Anyway, I may not have fallen in love with the guy, but the little town my former SIL lives in a adorable. And affordable. And close to several big towns where my kids could work and go to school.

So I might be swinging back to leaving Hawaii. I just can't see why I need to spend the next 15 years killing myself to buy a house. I can buy 3 or 4 houses in that little town and not spend as much as on one house here in Hawaii. And just because I can get pre-approved doesn't mean I should make that leap.

I'm sort of thinking I should apply the travel rule to moving. Take half the crap out of your suitcase and take twice as much money. I did that tis trip, and only had to go buy one thing. So maybe I should buy 1/2 the amount of house I'm approved for and end up with twice the money!

Tonight he cooked the steaks and I cooked the rest. And I did not sit and watch TV with him. (I wanted to it is so easy to just pretend like nothing has happened.) And I told him we need to come up with a new plan, for what to do if the house doesn't sell. Because I am not going to sit and let another year, or two go by while I wait for this to get resolved)


Thanks friends for checking in on me. I need to go and meditate now. Coming back here is sending me into panic attack mode. Fortunately X is headed out of town tomorrow. Sad that I am happy when he leaves.

I did have one bad nightmare the 3rd night I was away. I dreamed I was attacked by some dogs and in my dream I called out for X and was horrified when I realized he is no longer going to be there to save me. I woke up feeling terrible.

So I put that into my prayer and meditation time. I prayed for peace and harmony, and kept visualizing myself as a whole person. And about the 5th morning I realized that knife in the chest feeling had gone. And I just don't need him anymore. He is not my husband anymore, and he is not my problem.

When I feel it trying to sneak back I do a quick meditation, and I just refuse to let go of this wonderful new feeling. Tonight will be a long meditation. They had a seminar at the retreat, and the speaker said the reason meditaion works is because it gets our focus out of our Amgdaluas and into the front part of our brains. The calm rational part not the reptile brain part. Whatever works!

The funniest part of the whole weekend with high school friends was one guys odvious hitting on me, followed by getting in the car with my girlfriend who said to me: "If you go out with him I'm going to kick your ass!" I assured her he was not even on the list! (At this point no one is on the list.)

Much Love to You All!

Wendy