Searching, trying - still going, but how?

[jks]

KG, I just have to say that everything Accuray said is absolutely true. He pretty much articulated everything that I've been going through lately in regard to connecting with other adults. It makes the biggest DIFFERENCE!!

I don't care about what my H is doing anymore. I don't even think about him. And when I do, it isn't in the way of him and I being together. He's just the man that takes my kids for a couple days each week. I feel like the reason for this is because I have made friends and formed these close bonds with them and I feel so understood on every level and I'm laughing and having a good time again. Something I've been genuinely missing in my life. Once you can do that again... laugh, joke, not care... you will lose the anger. You will gain back your self esteem and you will realize that you are so much more than you're giving yourself credit for.

Do what Accuray has said... do it now and forget H for now. I would also chime in on looking for a job. Getting a job for me was the greatest thing I could have ever done. Being there for your children day in and day out is great but when you can't seem to get your head above water because of the insane amount of stress you're under... sometimes taking a different route may really be your only option to stop this cycle.

Working, in and of itself, can build your self esteem immensely. Especially if you're able to do something that you love. You won't have to rely so much on H and you'll have the security of knowing exactly what kind of funds you're going to have and that you did it yourself.

I hope and pray that you're able to find something for you soon. Something that can give you a shift in your way of thinking. It is the biggest relief and you shouldn't have to suffer anymore.