Wow, I know this is all my perception, but there is a major cold front going on right now. Not on my end, I am feeling really good and have been consistently for a week now. The weekends used to be the most difficult. This one has been good so far.
I think the coldness might be due to me really trying to back off. And backing off has been good for me so I will continue with it.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Sometimes I wish there were step by step instructions for this. The books are great and they help a ton. I suppose if there were instructions, being a guy I wouldn't follow them anyway.
No matter what happens I am feeling good about the direction I am heading.
Looking for some vet input about the coldness I am experiencing from w. Wondering where it is coming from? I would consult the book, but I borrowed it to friend that is in a similar sitch.
I know, no expectations, but I am wondering if the venom is coming soon. I actually think it might help, it would be progress. Bring some issues to the table.
I know this is serious stuff, although somehow I find some humor in it. The cage door is wide open, and yet I am not even feeling like a acquaintance of hers. It does make sense that I am the enemy. I have to be in order for her to walk out the door, so in that sense I think I am really starting to understand a WAW.
Wondering if I should even try to break through or just leave her be. When I reflect on how I was for awhile after she left, I feel like a fool trying to be overly nice. Just trying to find the proper balance on the DB tightrope.
It is getting easier to to let her be, as I am coming to terms with a life without her. I would still prefer my life with her and my family under one roof, but I am no longer going downhill. I am starting my ascent up the Mt. Everest of life.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I'm also experiencing coldness after I started to distance a bit in order to detach. I'm still too attached and I find it difficult though. I envy you your attitude. I hope I get there soon because after a month of W and I pretty much interacting as a family with D8, this cold front feels like a step back.
Glad to hear you're doing well mate.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
So Friday it was talk of a having to get a full time job because I wasn't being fair. Today it is talk of a lawyer so she can have the kids 50% off the time and work part time. While I have the kids 50% off the time and work full time.
I told her I want her to be a stay at home mom, but when she left everything changed. I am done trying not to upset her. I will not be mean or angry. I will stand up for what I believe is right
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Email to my wife...I think what is best for the children is to see their parents work to keep their family together until their bodies are laid in the ground. Since that can't happen right now, I will fight for every last second that I can get with them. I want them Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, and thru lunch on Sunday every week. Thursdays I will put them to bed at your house.
This is not about money, it is about me spending time with my children.(end)
I am so frustrated right now with all of this. I would live in a cardboard box as long as I am with my children. She cried on the phone when we were talking about this today. Who knows why, but if you truly believe what you are doing is right, why are you upset? I don't want to do anything to push her further away, and I also don't care if she is mad at me. Just kind of at a loss as how to approach this.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I think it may be time to stop worrying about DB and start thinking about what I want out of a D. I hate that it has come to this but I may have to get a lawyer. We cant seem to agree on terms. The crappy part is that we are fighting about time with kids.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
"I think it may be time to stop worrying about DB"
You shouldn't have been worrying about DBing in the first place. You take care of yourself first and foremost always. The first principle of DB is to NOT pay attention to your spouse.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
So w told me she is very bitter towards me. Oh well, I chose not to go down that path, I hope she can do the same.
I called her today because I would like to start taking the kids to church. Going to church is about the biggest 180 I can do for myself. I am not a person of strong faith, although it will probably do me some good. More importantly I want my children to learn about the bible and religon in general so that when they are old enough they can make their own informed decisions about faith and religon. So I called her since this will affect our children and she should have some input on the church they go to.
Going to church was not ever a issue during our marriage, but when I told her about what I would like to do, she said in a sarcastic tone "it's nice you finally decided to go to church." I think she would have liked to go to church more often, but as far as I remember she didn't press it. So yeah a complete 180.
It is nice to be at a point where this stuff can for the most part just roll off my back. I won't say that I am completely unaffected by her actions and attitude. I am getting there though.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
So tonight w expressed some of her frustratations to me and I don't think I did a very good job of validating. I am not sure what to say when she tells me that she is unhappy and that if she stayed it would just continue and the kids would start to see it. Which in turn would have a negative impact on them.
Thinking about telling her that I am sorry that I have caused her so much unhappiness, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. That I only want to talk about what I can do now to help make her happy.
She has expressed that I never appreciated her anf still don't as a SAHM. How do I show her that I do without being a suck up?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
