The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

Thank you Thank you for everyones support! I have read and re read all the posts to really take in the advice!

Yes, my D is already in counseling weekly, but Im not so sure that she will bring this up with counselor. The thing is, that if I mention anything to counselor, she will refuse to go again. I dont want to risk her not willing to open up to counselor. Maybe I will call her so that D doesnt know I talked with her and counselor can pry it out? I did talk a lot to D tonight, but I did not attack or bring anything up directly..YET....

I do NOT want her to know about the journal, as I agree with some advice that she needs to have faith and trust in me. I am watching her like a hawk right now and plan on slowly bringing up things throughout the week until it can be discussed. I am not taking this lightly and yes, even thought of Birth control. I must say, that D is a GREAT kid and not into anything bad...has good friends, etc..so this stuff I read is very out of the ordinary...which is why Im so scared! I never thought that she would even consider this...guess the friends and things she is doing arent so great:( I do know that kids experiment, but I never did and still to this day have never smoked cigs or pot...so I guess I just cannot believe that my 14 year old had tried this:(

I so know it must be taken care of, and I do not plan on letting these issues slip by. It did open my eyes a bit though that I have been so caught up in ME and H and I need to refocus. I have not by any means neglected or not taken care of kids..and I have addressed any and all concerns with the kids and really kept them busy among all of this..so this was mind blowing to me to find this. My priority is them and this pregnancy....

Did get another text from H this evening about the "what do you think about me staying there once a week" text. He asked if I had received the previous text since I had not answered. I let it go..have more things on my mind today and will give him a kind but NO answer tomorrow or next day. I will have to see him tomorrow (maybe) when he gets kids for dinner, so I would rather not have to answer face to face.

I have no doubt that not letting him come here is the best decision. I know that I will never be able to heal and detach if I know he is sleeping in the other room once a week and like someone mentioned, possibly texting and talking to OW while here! I cannot handle that and honestly, its not fair to kids either...

I do have some happy news today. I applied for a part time postiion where I sub teach and I got the job!! I love being a sub teacher, but its very inconsistent and I thought that even though Im pregnant, I could use a part time job to get out everyday and have something to look forward to! So, I got it!! I will start working 4 hours a day, 5 days a week! Im very excited..a small step in the right direction. This will not be a job I can live off of later, but for the rest of the school year and while Im preg it will be nice! And I can save the money I make while Im living off the money H gives me!

Both girls got a call tonight from H...only one D answered her phone and he just said he wanted to hear her voice because he missed her so much. 3 min convo with her....wow...what a great dad!

It must really suck to be the WAS...especially when kids are involved and they cannot see and talk to kids everyday...I would be dying without my girls...

I will continue to update on my sitch...

I cannot thank you all enough for the support...not sure what I would do lately without this site!