The green green grass of home

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Arsene, Turtlegirl and AS I really don't think I can do this anymore.
If I'm going to be honest with myself, I really don't see myself ever feeling like I can trust him again. It's not like a lot of you were it is just this crisis thing.
He has continially lied to me and to other people throughout our whole 13 years together.
Now what? He is going to think he can just leave me whenever he wants to go and sleep around?
He can say he doesn't know if he is in love with me but then claim that he thinks about me, when he is with other people,...

The Christmas break is going to be so hard. I was really hoping that we could spend time as a family...
I may end up regretting this but for now I think I am going to sit for a while.
He will be my co- parent. My business associate but not my friend. We can be friendly but not friends.
I haven't decided how I'm going to word things to him yet.
I'm probably being very selfish but I'm also thinking about not telling him, until after Monday when I see if he will be coming to sort out my car. I can't do it without him there because it's in his name. I need to get that fixed.

I just feel that I derserve better. Now he has done this once, it will be easier for him to keep doing it.
Honestly I don't even know why I love him anymore except that we did have a lot of fun together. He was one of the few people I felt I could really be me around, who I could tell anything to.

He has been sleeping with people around where he is living now. Over two hours away. He goes there several times a year for work, how could I ever trust him when he goes there.
This is going to hurt like hell and I hope I don't live to regret it but I'm just not strong enough to do this for months on end.

How can I be a good mother when I'm on a crazy roller coaster.
I refuse to be treated like a game any longer.
I really have no idea how some people stand for years.

I don't know how to get past him being with other W, I meant my vows when I said them but he obviously didn't.
I guess ultimately I will be breaking them too. I'm just tired already.