That she would go so far as to lie to him to keep him, is it possible she is dangerous? I know that might sound crazy but if she's desperate enough to take the chance he will find out the truth and lie anyway is it possible and should I be worried at all? I've tried finding stories where OWs do this to wives but the funny thing is I find more about wives doing it to OWs. It has to be more common, doesn't it?
I said about the restraining order because of this post.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
That she would go so far as to lie to him to keep him, is it possible she is dangerous? I know that might sound crazy but if she's desperate enough to take the chance he will find out the truth and lie anyway is it possible and should I be worried at all? I've tried finding stories where OWs do this to wives but the funny thing is I find more about wives doing it to OWs. It has to be more common, doesn't it?
I said about the restraining order because of this post.
Got it Soul Searching. I just read this post as Ruby was just bouncing her inner thoughts on print.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
today I told him 100 percent she's gone or 100 percent I'm gone.
My problem is she manipulated and lied to him. Yet he is still on the fence. What is it about the fog? I mean if someone did this to me? I'd be all over and furious. What is wrong with affair people?
I told him this little stunt made me love him less and respect him less. That I was no longer waiting and being the good patient wife that now I am done. That the clock has begun ticking and he can dilly dally and take as long as he wants trying to figure it out because while he's wasting even MORE time on this, NOW I will using the time NOT trying to figure out how to save us but to get over him. I said no more talking, either you prove to me you want this and DO what needs to be done or I will get over you and move on with my life. That this is the thing that has finally pushed me over the edge to finally realize our marriage is over and I have no desire to bend over backward or try anymore.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
Ruby, seriously -- enough talking. You've made your position known, and every time you repeat it to him you WEAKEN it, not strengthen it. Many of your posts have a real "THIS TIME I REALLY MEAN IT, I'M NOT KIDDING THIS TIME!" quality to them. That's not a dig -- just an observation -- but I do think the time has come for you to do whatever it is you want to do, and STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. All these convos with your H are crazymaking.
Sorry, butting in because I just read this entire thread..
: )
I agree with Starsky, BREATHE.... and stop talking and start doing... not to be mean.. because I get you.. I totally get you... I am you...
I am a great person with words... not so much with the following through on the actions part... but trust me, you can yell,scream, write 500 page letters, threaten divorce...and it means.. NOTHING...
it is when you are silent... when you are seemingly okay without them... when you are happy... content... not righting.. not lashing out... not at all concerned... that's when they take notice...
I did the same thing early on... I thought I was fighting for my husband everytime we sat down for a two hour conversation of me repeating the same things, asking the same questions- him not knowing what he wanted... and I guarantee that he probably didn't hear half of it... and that's okay...
I don't really know if this advice is even really helpful.. but I wanted to let you know, you aren't alone.. its okay to hurt.. its okay to want to threaten things.. but perhaps its better to write those feelings in a journal... or when you feel the urge to lash out or any of that.. take up a new hobby or past time... I have learned, unless the cheating spouse wants to talk about the marriage... don't even bring it up... let them come to you..
okay this is all over the place.. but you get the idea
M-28 H-28 M-9 1/2 years T- 12 years PA- 01/02/12 (still going on)
I am a great person with words... not so much with the following through on the actions part... but trust me, you can yell,scream, write 500 page letters, threaten divorce...and it means.. NOTHING...
it is when you are silent... when you are seemingly okay without them... when you are happy... content... not righting.. not lashing out... not at all concerned... that's when they take notice...
Why is it he is being hostile? He is coming to talk tonight. I am not going to be emotional at all. I am going to state facts and let him know that I am giving up. And I do feel like it's time for me to do that for me. Enough is enough.
I am wondering though why he went from cheerfully telling me he's back to being confused about her... to accusing me of being a liar... to still not seeing she is toxic (how he can't after such a lie well.. ugh) to yesterday trying to convince me he still loves me (where I said I beleive absolutely nothing he says) and that he wouldn't be "calling" if he didn't want to work it out... to silence... to being snippy and not promising not to blow up on me (so I am expecting he will try and turn this) to saying OH SO THAT IS WHAT YOUR PLAN IS, when I said that I didn't think the break up talk should happen through texts or voicemails or on the phone...
Why is he so mad at me? Is it because I am forcing him to choose and he thinks if he just throws another tantrum I will back down and allow him to keep eating cake? I have given up. I mean, I do still love him so very much and I do still wish there were some way we can salvage this, but I also know that I am being taken advantage of and that he is not ever going to do anything but flop back and forth forever and I need to free myself because he never will let me go or get rid of her.
I have questions of how it led us back to here after he was trying to hard and being honest. I know it's because he refused no contact with her. I also know even today, he will probably let me go thinking I don't really mean it (I do, I see no other options) and he will go straight to her.
I already told him actions are the only thing I will respond to now. And his words and actions never line up. So in the event he wakes up (doubtful now) how long does that take? I really am feeling like if I don't get away now I will resent him and the damage that is being caused constantly by this will eventually be too much to repair. I am already feeling there is no more to do...
And again... why is he mad at me? If he wants to flip flop and be confused but just keep me as a backup plan why be so upset I am ready to let him go? I would think it's taking the pressure off him now and he'd be relieved that he gets rid of me and can have her all to himself with no more drama.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
In the past when I would tell him how much this hurts me... he would say he was sorry to cause me such pain but he does NOTHING to end it. He just keeps right on cake eating as if he has every right to do whatever he wants.
WS moves out 9/11 OWH DD#1 12/11 FR#1 1/12 DD#2 2/12 WS leaves 4/12 WS tries FR#2 6/12 WS/OW move in 7/12 WS leaves OW 9/12 WS back with other OW 12/12 Said OW demanding we D 5/14/13 WS files divorce 8/28/13
