Tra, You've been given excellent advice. Eight months is a very short time to be on the mlc path. So, I'm going to share some information w/you. If you make a threat, you better follow through because if you don't, the mlcer will never believe anything that comes out of your mouth again.
Actions always speak louder than words w/an mlcer. Set your boundaries and stick to them. You do not need to warn your h that you are setting them, just do it.
Do not use tactics that will "rattle" his cage. Generally they will backfire on you big time. You can't fix him, because you didn't break him. You do not have any control over him, but you do have control over you and how you deal w/this situation.
BTW, this is his crisis and you are now on his timeclock. The mlc clock is extremely slow. So, while it is ticking away, this is a good time to turn the focus back on to you, your family and be sure to protect your assets. The mlcer generally will tell you want you want to hear and promise you the moon...bottom line if they lips, they are lying. They become very selfish and self-absorbed while in crisis and believe me, they will do whatever they can not to give you what you are entitled to. They become stingy misers when it comes to money for you and the family.
No, you do not tell your h that you've been to a lawyer. Whatever information that you receive is to be kept close to the vest and not shared w/him. The same would apply from whatever advice/info you receive here as well as any books that you read.
If you don't want a divorce and want to stand for a while, then don't threaten or speak the divorce word. Sit quietly, be patient and the answers will come.
It's a very long, difficult road to travel w/lots of bumps, potholes and turns. Buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
