compliment something he did, host his family get-togethers, participate in his activities, etc. He was happy. His words. He was not doing for me. His words. In my mind, marriage is reciprocal. I simply ran out of energy and enthusiasm. I'm not the martyr-type and don't get endless joy out of doing something for others while getting nothing in return. I told him I needed specific things from him. His response was, "I know, but..."
Were there any specific things he asked for that you didn't give him? What were the specifics you asked for that he was unwilling to give you and why did he not want to? Just curious.
Not everyone on this site is unhappy. I am not unhappy. At least not always. I am a very joyful person who finds purpose, laughter, and joy everywhere I look. I am that kind of person though. I was quite unhappy while trying to figure things out with my ex. I am not any longer.
Oddly, I suspect my ex could have written much of what you have written at one point at some point in her leaving. It was a process. I watched that process like a slow moving train wreck. In my case, we went to counseling. She about 5 times, me many more than that. She had one complaint against me. The last time she was happy was literally months before she said we were done. Not many complaints prior.
She would tell me often she had changed. It's not you, it's me. Eventually, it was "it's you! I never loved you". But I watched this evolution of the thoughts.
What changed was her perspective. Her view of the world became very self-focused and it changed her perspective on past events. She "re-remembered" our history together. She tried many times to justify leaving vs. finding a reason to stay. To the point it was painful to watch. (note - I'm not perfect by any stretch; but I did love her deeply and tried very hard at the marriage; some things aren't possible)
But at this point in time I bet she could write what you've written. She too wanted to run away. See the world. That was always there to some degree, but it became very compulsive.
The same for me. I was on the other side of that "view" although she couldn't see it.
I've had many friends that have experienced similar. Both men and women. I've seen few figure it out in time. I've seen many figure it out later. Figure out what happened. But not until they had destroyed their marriage and the lives of their spouses and sometimes kids.
Your view seems very focused on what he has done wrong during the marriage.
What has he done right? What are his good qualities?
Crazy, your perspective changed. You've admitted that. His reaction to those changes may not be what you hoped for. But please go back and tell me why (see the above questions throughout the post) your perspective changed. Specifics. I get that you feel you have been hurt or let down. You feel he is not the knight in shining armor you thought he was. Now the question is why is that?
I see that you are not done, Crazy. You wouldn't care if you were.
peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
