Just a quick quip from purgatory

[AJM]

Good news RT. As you get further from limbo, the anger gets easier, farther between episodes, and easier to deal with.

What I hear in your posts, you would be a good candidate for PTSD

But I'm no doctor and what you describe is "life" right? You know that already, but having walked in those shoes (similar - mine might be more of the running variety), I totally get it. And I see that you are in limbo for many reasons. You have been for a very long time.

I've felt similar when in that position. The desire to run away, for a good opportunity no less, is strong. I'm glad I didn't succumb to it any more than I did.

I get the idea of dating somebody else. And not having friends of my own. And feeling like I can't talk to people I use to call family. It [censored]. What's worse, I did it to myself during the limbo stage. I did it willingly and I don't regret it. At all. I had to try.

Once that was over and became more silent, the emotions came. For both me and my ex. She was horrible. As if they can get more horrible, right? I think you'll be able to handle that much better by the time you get there, but I did not. But I got through it.

I still get angry, RT. It doesn't go away quickly if at all. I was very angry at her just last week when she sent me an email expressing sympathy for the death of my grandfather. Why? Too personal. Too much pain associated with her and too many lies. I wish her the best, RT. I have no animosity in that regard, but I do get angry when she intrudes on my life still. It's not a bad thing though - long story.

They try to control and will use all kinds of tactics you use to put up with. Berating, being nice, smiling, yelling, etc. That does not stop just because you are divorced on paper. Be ready for that concept. There's more to get done while you decompress from the past several years of emotional torture you both put you through.

My suggestion? Be as patient and quiet as you can toward the old "friends" (they never really were, now were they?), be kind to the in-laws (you won't regret that) and be kind to others as you are inclined to do. That will help you more than you may realize at this point.

Friends will come. As you get out and about and meet people, you'll make new friends and some will become very close. They did for me.

Your kids. Take care of them. Not as she wants you to. Remember she is angry and wants what she wants for her sake. Take care of the kids the way you know how. They respond to that and love you for it. I know it was years before I thanked my own father. I always knew he loved me, but he did check out when my mom died. I was 16 so it was a few years before we really began talking and I could share those thoughts with him.

What I'm saying is that what you do for them now, will be huge for them later. Try to remember that each day as you go through your daily routine. While everything else is burning down around you or not worth watching, you have the opportunity to help, guide and love them. That's priceless and as time goes on you'll see that more than you do now. I know you already do quite a bit, RT and I admire that about you.

You and I aren't that much different in our situations RT. Oh, and I'm good looking, but can't vouch for you (humor is always good, right?)

There will be plenty of women when you're ready. I don't think you are ready for a relationship, so be careful. It's easy to get "connected" at this stage. But I don't think it's healthy if that helps.


Peace,
AJ