That respect is huge!!! The boundary was tested and you remained solid. I also think that backsliding is sometimes a necessary process, simply because if we are far enough along the path, we learn a lot from our actions.
I really think the resulting epiphany may have been worth it
That's the way to do it. Catch yourself "being the old you" and stop it. Eventually you'll be able to stop it before you even start. You're re-writing the code on how you respond to situations. That's how change occurs.
Well done and I wouldn't worry about the backslide. It gave you a chance to show H a bit of the old you and how you are working on it. Now he'll really notice the new you .
I also like the reverse question. I'm not surprised he didn't see what you were driving at.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
KG-Thank you for your post. I just wanted to show you my support and thank you for letting me see that it is possible to wrangle this beast. You are proof of it and I hope I can get there some day, since two years and the loss of my H have not been enough to make me achieve this.
This means a lot to me and I also want to say that it was this place and people like you that have helped me get to where I am. The past two years, loss of H and M, brought me here. But its because of HERE that I was able to start to learn.
(((((( KG))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Tumbling!!! LOL yes maybe wearing no panties will help prevent the bunch! LOL
Thank you for you show of support. It really means a lot to me. ((((( ))))
As for the reverse question....who knows.
But I do know it helped me realize more that this is his journey. And If I want to love him, it must be from afar for now...
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
So, rather than purging parts of ourselves, we just need to work on being more discerning and identifying and using what our strengths actually are in any given situation.
I love this. Thank you. You are right.
You have really helped me stay in the moment, and it was you that came to my mind when i was spewing. You helped me stop. So a very special thank you for that. ((((( ))))
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you afa75!!!!!!! (((((((( )))))))) A big smile is on Busting's face right now! :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you Ruby!!! I do feel in a better place for it so I will take the negative with the positive :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Arsene, thank you my friend for coming by :-) And thank you as always for your support.
I will keep moving forward with you and everyone else. :-)
You are always so positive and I appreciate that :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, I'm glad to see your positivism today. It's okay to feel well one day and not great the next. I mean, we're dealing with one of the most stressful things in life! But you're doing great. Keep it up and know I'm here for you. ((((Busting))))
I know each sitch is different, yet there are so many similarities between us all.
I try and observe my sitch as an outsider. Of course this is not completely possible.
I know the odds are very much against R. I practice maintaining my expectations, and often repeat to myself purposefully that H is with OW, H is with OW.
I have a lot of confidence that if I had a second chance we could make it work. And I also realize as long as OW is there, that chance will not materialize.
I am starting to think (after lots of reading and conversations with others more experienced than me) that H may truly be MLC. And that MLC is NOT hope...it is TIME. IF he gets through it I don't know where I will be at the time. Even if he doesn't get through it, I don't know where I will be.
I do understand I am in the middle of a process, for myself.
And I have felt the changes from within me. Becoming more real and more of who I am. Less acting as if and more, this is who I am.
But I digress.
H is seems is in replay for the second time. I say that because there was a time last year when he did end it with OW. I did not have the tools or knowledge I have now, and I quickly scared him away. Even though he was making moves (I can see in hindsight) of spending more time at home, etc.
Lately, I still assume he is with OW. And I will always keep that in my head to keep me grounded and focused on me.
However as an observer.
H is being lot more considerate. Yesterday he brought me a drink I like that is very hard to get in this country. He got it to share with me. Yesterday was the start of our weekend here, so he asked if I wanted a drink. He didn't know I was going out, so I don't know if he thought we would hang out a bit or something.
We had two drinks together and then I went out to my gathering.
I thanked him again, and I said that was fun.
He is talking nicer, starting conversations, being considerate (as much as he can be of course. I mean at this stage being considerate is relative to the past)....I am observing. I engage the bare minimum. At least I try to.
I am walking this path alone. I am not assuming this is a sign of anything. I shouldn't care what he thinks and I won't.
The mind reading part of me?
My mind says he is trying to be nice and friendly to show that we can be 'normal' despite the sitch. I make sure I let my mind lead with this so my heart does not go anywhere else.
I will take it as it is and keep moving forward on MY path.
He will not divert me.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
