Hi everyone, need some ideas or thoughts on this. So it's been more than a month since H stopped all contact with me. I'll give the brief story of us again this time, my last thread didn't really show it much.
Together 7 years, M 5 years. Our relationship began to doom about a year ago, and neither of us tried to fix it and eventually, he began the A the end of last year. I wasn't aware of it. Back then, we were staying in different cities due to work for about 2 years, we visited each other from time to time.
In July, we were about to move to a new place together as planned 2 years ago, but he called me and said he wanted to end this. He said we were both young, we should find someone who we completely are compatible with, etc. I didn't understand how he could be so determined. I cried, begged and everything. He finally admitted that he cheated and he wanted to be with the OW. I know I was responsible for the failure of our marriage and at that moment I finally got hit hard and "woke up", that I promised I'd change. I wanted another chance. Then we stayed together for a few days, he said he'd give us another chance, and promised to cut off contact with OW. But he needed time and space. So he left. I didn't know what to do, he promised he'd come back. During the first a few weeks I didn't handle it well, didn't give him the proper space and it pushed him away.
In August, he came to see me due to guilt or so, and he was so distant and he didn't say he wanted to be back anymore. Although, he gave me some sort of hope that he was working on stopping the A. I got emotional but hopeful.
Later, I snooped, and found out he's still been going out to bars, restaurants, even theme parks with someone. And I wouldn't be surprised if it's all with the OW. Then I got really hurt and went to see him. I wanted to show him that I am better and changed. When I was there, I didn't do too well. He didn't know I knew about him going to bars, theme parks and all that. He tried to be peace with me, but he was so distant and I just felt so cheap go visiting him. At the end, I blew it. After that visit, it seemed like he finally got his excuse to say no to me officially. He shut me off 100% of his life. And this was the beginning of Oct.
So, now I am confused. Is he really done? I didn't try contact him since last visit, and apparently he didn't contact me either. I snooped a lot at the beginning of this NC thing, and found out he was happily with the OW, and their R was more open (seemed to me) and I got really hurt. So I stopped snooping. But should I keep waiting for him to contact me? Anyone with similar experience? We have no children. It just doesn't seem like he'd contact me at all. Helpppp please.
We don't really have anything big together to divide really We met in school, and got married while in school.
I've been working on my temper, he said I got mad at him and he didn't like it. I finally truly realized that this problem hurts everyone not just him, so I'm trying to control my temper better.
I'm learning a new software, drawing from time to time, and exercising. Not a lot GAL activities really....I need to work on this more....Thank you for joining in!
Yes, we used to be friends on FB. But he blocked me. This OW knew he was married in the first place. She is an international student at the moment. I didn't know her at all until H dropped the bomb. And then like I said, i snooped, and found out she blocked me long ago on fb. I still don't know her, I just know what she looks like. Me and H don't have many mutual friends, just a few.
I don't know if I'm right. I think we liked lots of same things. I remember he used to tell me how lucky he felt that we had so much in common, and that we both adore same things in life. He knew a lot of things that I didn't know but was interested in, so I was really curious about what he had to say. I just wanted to be with him. Could it be counted as the reason he felt in love with me? At this point, I start to question if he knew why he fell in love with me.
H read relationship books before, and I didn't take it seriously. He gave me the book and I read a little bit and then ignored it. I thought I knew everything. In August, I told him I was reading some relationship book (it was not DR) At first he seemed a bit interested, even said he read that book a few times before ( in a blaming tone though ) and asked me to show him sometime, but later on, he never brought it up. I guess I'm trying to say I understand how he feels towards our M right now and I wish I could figure out what to do about it..
So I hope to get some advice on this. I know I asked before, about H's good friend wanting to visit him. But this friend didn't make a move for a while. Yesterday, he contacted me saying he wanted to visit my H, and asked for his address. Then I asked him if we could meet and talk a little bit before he goes. He said okay.
I will probably meet with him later today. AnotherStander said he didn't think this friend visiting will benefit me any. I agree. But should I tell him not to go? At this point, I don't know what would be good. I do not want to encourage him to go visit, but I don't think I should try to stop him from going.
I plan to ask him what he thinks he is going to do with my H there, and I want to hear his opinion a little. I also want to ask him again to try not to talk about our M problems. He said before that he wouldn't bring the issue up unless H does. He said he is more concerned about H's mental health as a human being. He even said this himself that he doesn't know if his visiting would do me good. I just hope this won't cause any more damage.
Any similar experience with a friend getting involved? Or any advice? I feel like since this friend contacted me, I'd make it clear on certain things. But I don't know if I'm thinking clearly myself. Any help on this would be much appreciated !
Bad me. I snooped again just now after a while. H seems to be happy with how he is now. More open with the OW. I feel like calling him and say hey I know what you are doing, I know who she is!!! But I know it doesn't do me any good Should I just keep having it to myself. Then he will never know I knew all along.
We met in school, and got married while in school.