Is my marriage still doomed?

[MrBond]

"she has kept an emotional flame on for this guy for the entire 9 years "

That's why you're feeling the way you are. You keep saying this to yourself which negates any positive interactions you've had with her for the past 9 years. C'mon be honest. The majority of the time you were with you, it was the both of you just being devoted to each other.

When you start saying things like what you just did, you start turning into the WAS and can ONLY see the negative and forget the positives.

So what is it that she finds attractive about this guy? Seriously you could learn a thing here and have the perfect opportunity to do so. But that's up to you. If you don't have the patience, like you've shown before, then you should file.