DB Bootcamp -- Breakdown and Mach1

[mamabird]

I just want to say that you are absolutely entitled to your need for commitment. We need that in our R's - we need to feel safe, we need to feel that the person that we are investing in is doing so in return. If we don't feel that reciprocal commitment, it can be really disheartening. I think we can all stand a little limbo for a while, but you've been at it for some time now, and that must be getting old. It isn't insecurity. Marriage is based on a commitment and you have every right to want to know exactly where you stand.

I know that putting aside the R discussions helped (for a while) in my sitch. But your W clearly hasn't been able to work things through on her side enough to forgive your sins of the past. I fear the same in my M... that my H will not ever be able to forgive my past sins.

I wonder if you trying to get to a more detached place will be of value to you. You have done tremendous work. You have been diligently working to resolve your own issues and to put your M at the center of your life. This isn't to be taken lightly and if she says it's not enough, then I think you have some hard thinking to do. Because from what I've seen, you've made incredible progress and are doing as much as you can to create a better M going forward.

You can't change the past. She can't change the past. All you can do is create an environment so that you don't repeat the mistakes of the past. And you can apologize for the mistakes of the past and promise to do better. It is truly on her if she can't accept that.