H: (H yells to the kitchen to where S12 is making a drink.) S12, were you late for school this morning? C: OMG!!!! Why are you asking him? I just read it straight from the student handbook published by the school. I understand that you give me zero credibility, but how can you discount the published school policy? Do you think I was lying as I read it to you? Do you need to go online and read it yourself?? Nevermind. Just forget it. I don’t need your help getting S12 to school. I want him to be there in accordance with school policy, so I will get him there myself. You are not doing me any favors when this is what I have to deal with.
I get constant bickering, zero credibility. It seems like if I say the sky is blue, I'll get an argument. I've taken a position of sharing absolutely nothing with him so he has nothing to contradict.
Your thoughts?
This is the bottom of that post. So what part? That I got mad? My explaining my experience? My explaining my future approach? I don't doubt that you see it differently as a guy but I'd be interested to hear your perspective.
Originally Posted By: AJM
Perhaps I'm seeing it incorrectly. But it seems you are looking for a reason to stay and fight vs. run away.p
Only looking for a reason to stay, minus the fight.
I read the post you referenced as a basis for your questions. I'm not tying the two together. So I'm just going to give a shot at an answer to one of them: What made your perspective change from before? My perspective changed because I learned from my experience that I was previously mistaken. For example, if I put on a coat in cold weather, I do so because I believe it will keep me warm. If it doesn't keep me warm, I learn that I was wrong and I put on a thicker coat. Will I die without a warmer coat? Maybe not. Could I still have good day if I'm shivering? Possibly. But why would I do then when I know another coat is an option?
With my H, I believed that I would enjoy his company. I've learned otherwise. In reference to KD's beach statement, I can't imagine a reason for (voluntarily) going to the beach if I don't expect to enjoy it. If I want warm and it's cold, or I want sunny and it's cloudy, or I want peace and there's a rock band playing, I would leave and go do something else. As KD illustrated, my experience on the beach is MY experience. And H's is his. But MY experience changes if H is splashing cold water on me and kicking sand in my face and drinking my margarita, etc. I learned from MY experience "on the beach" that I don't enjoy H being there with me. My perspective changed because I learned that I was wrong and I don't enjoy his company. Though I would like to, because at least some part of me cares for him, that would require him to change his behavior, otherwise I'll go "to the beach" alone or with someone else. Sorry, that's where I'm at. In fact, I don't even WANT to be someone who is unaffected by what goes on around me.
AJM, I bet you and KD would get along great! You both talk the same language. I, on the other hand, feel like Marlin in the movie Nemo when Squirt the little sea turtle is trying to explain to him how to ride the current. Nemo just stares at him then says to Dory, "It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it!" And it's probably worse because I really don't like game-playing, and this feels like one. It reminds me of one of those pictures that you have to cross your eyes and squint and blur your vision in order to see some hidden image, only to feel afterwards like it wasn't even worth all the effort anyway. I appreciate your trying, but if you and KD can't make your points in a manner less Miyagi-like with the wax on/wax off exercises, then I'm pretty sure I'm just not going to get it.
