We booked a cruise for the family for December. I was worried about the expense, but W really wanted to do it and indicated she had some things in the works that would cover it so I agreed.
Last night I went out with my B for a late lunch and I ended up in a foul mood. I started worrying about some things and my anxiety level just got high. I snapped at my W when she got home, but apologized multiple times and tried to explain why I was in a bad mood. Discussion eventually turned into a relationship discussion, and it ended with both of us angry.
As I rehash the discussion in my head, we seem to go round and round about the same couple of things without any progress:
- my poor behavior for the first part of our M (honestly, this can go on and on with different details each time, but ultimately it's the same discussion with me simply agreeing)
- W's unwillingness to forgive me and her continued resentment for said behaviors (ultimately, that's her decision and she has to live with it)
- W's lack of any responsibility for anything negative in the M (again, I don't have to like it, but this is on W)
- me wanting a commitment to try to work thru issues without constant threat of D (W simply says she's not willing at this time)
So this brings me to the need for commitment. Is this my insecurity rearing it's head? I think it is...along with my need to "fix it." So there I have it...old issues resurfaced resulting in a crappy discussion with W.
