....i know it's a question that is not easliy answered but....didn't want to but checked her cell phone for text messages but I did...they had ALL been deleted but one came in real early this morning....he was professing his love for her which means there must have been a number on messages before this...she dropped the ILUBNILWU speech bout a month ago...she asked for space to sort her feelings...I gave it..moved to next bedroom...try not to talk to much of the situation unless she want to which don't seem like ever at all...she is mad cuz she said I've never given her any reason to doubt that I love her...just said the passion is gone...I can accept my short fall in this and said I would be willing to work on it...said she would try councelling but just does'nt feel that she wants to be married anymore(dated 3 yrs..married 16..three kids..14-12-10)...asked if there was anyone else..replied no..not even interested in any of that till I get head think'n strait, she said....found the text cuz i susspected something and there it was......now do I confront her with this and let her know that not all is lost cuz I just can't give her up....any suggestions please
LG, The only thing that I can tell you is that my H has been in an A. When I discovered it I decided to use DR before anything else. He denies her existence every time I ask but have found some texts when he forgets to delete them. He also told me a year ago, what you mention, and said he was not sure if he wanted to continue ... I have been really doing what MW recommends and I have changed for the better and so has he, he still gets some texts but now he doesn't tell me that he wants space... we have been closer than before, spending a lot of time together, vacations. My M has been a lot better than before.I don know if they have seen lately but she still texts him saying that he misses him. My guess is that things have changed and OW is pushing him. We went on vacations last week and had a great time together.It doesn't mean that everything is great but we have reconnected and found that being together is fun. I feel it's a start! I know that actions speak louder than words so I would tell you read and apply what Michele recommends, so far it has worked for me. I have been married 28, almost 29 yrs D26, S22.
Welcome to the community here at DB. The first thing you need to do is read Divorce Remedy. Those are the principles we base our advice upon.
You may have more response if you post in Newcomers.
For now, I would suggest that you do nothing until you have information. Even if you confront her, it most likely not end the communication with OM. But if she knows you are on to her...she will carry on with the A, but she'll make sure you don't see any more evidence.
Rest assured, talking about the MR and the problems is not the way to fix this. Neither can you start smothering her with what you should have been doing before she found OM.
You need to read about walk-away wives. It's an eye opening for most men. Your W is telling you the same things that women tell H's when they are trying to get out of the M....due to finding another man (or wanting to find OM).
This will not be a short journey. I hope you'll listen to what we tell you instead of giving in to your strong emotions you have....and will continue to experience. It is hard, but your M can be saved.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
....long story made really short....she gave me the love you but don't love you speach a month ago...she asked for some space which I was willing to give her but found a message on her phone from a guy "friend"...she reassured me at the start of this that there is no one else but the message he sent about how he wants to tell her all the time how he loves her...kind of changed how I think she feels of me...not sure how deep this actually is....I mean it's just one message that I read from him...my question is do I comfront or do I still give her the space to sort her feelings for me...at this point it's an emotional affair...I know that for a fact as she would never have been able to connect with him directly without my knowledge...just want to make sure I move carefully in this mine field...I deeply love her and I'm sure that she loves me but is very confused with her thoughts and feelings..thks...as my title says...Lost guy....Little more info of subject..sorry for the point format ..I'm 42 as is she ..dated 3 yrs ..married 16 ..three kids(14-12-10) ..health issues with constant bladder infections since birth of last child ..VERY focused on her looks..always has been..looks like a million bucks, but never has been happy with it...
Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
