Hello, mu turn, will try to be clear and short. Married for 3,5 years. I'm 34 and my wife is 27, and she is now living at her parents since December. I arrived in the country in July, but she announced I could look for my own place, which I did. We`ve been separated for 4 months, if you're still following. She wants to file for Divorce early in 2013. Now here's the twist : we have a son of 19 months, who she allows me to see twice a week, for a ``supervised`` visit by one of her parents. So I get to see her and the boy (and one of her parents) twice a week for about an hour. My lawyer said no wonder she hasn't filed for separation, because I would be entitled 50% of access. Now, should I file for separation and demand to have the toddler every other week by court order, or will that ruin my chances to reconcile? If I get the toddler, I might not see her twice a week for an hour neither, which was a good thing to use all the reconciliation techniques, see what I mean? Any advice, remarks, comments on that peculiar situation? Thanx.
I agree with Bug. There seems to be A LOT more to this story.
My biggest mistake was worrying about a reconciliation with my W before dropping the hammer to protect my rights as a father. Personally, I would do things different knowing what I know now.
My suggestion would be to ensure you can obtain 50% custody of your child or at least put forth the effort. That should be your #1 priority. Your W will not be happy about it, but that is not your problem.
The more information you share, the more we can help. Have your read Divorce Remedy? There is a "37 Rules" thread stickied to the top of this (Newcomers) forum. That is a great place to begin. Keep them near for your reference.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Are you new to this country? I saw you said you arrived in this country in July. I that the reason for supervised visits ? Is she worried you would leave with the child? Sorry for all the questions but the other posters are right we can help you better if we had more info.
Post soon
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
If it is not court ordered. Then protect your rights as a father and get your lawyer to make sure this is corrected. ASAP.
Then do all the CYA stuff.
Get a voice activated recorder. Record all conversations with wife , her parents etc...
Document every time you are denied access. Document everything you do with your child. Document everything.
And find out your rights as a father.
This is more important that any reconciliation at this time.
If you happen to not get back together are you willing to give up access to your son over hoping that you can make your walk away wife happy for a short time?
Ponder that.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I agree with chatterbug. Find out your rights as a father and exercise them. Don't set a standard for her telling you when and how you can see your child. You can still be respectful to your w but stand firm and don't get ran over and bullied when it comes to your child.
Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Hello everybody and thanks. There isn't much more to the story. She went to Canada in December to 'prepare' our move, and finish a degree at uni. Things were great when she left. I stayed in France to sell the apartment, the car, resign from my job, etc...We were communicating ok by email, but with hour difference became distant. I was scheduled to arrive in Canada in July, but in June she wrote that email saying that we were different, she wanted to move on, etc... you probably know the rest.
So I arrive in Canada in July and am alone, and the first visits to my son happens to be at the park with her parents only (she was avoiding me), then with one parent and her. Maybe so that I don't escape back to France? Twice a week only because 'everybody is busy' and it only worked out this much. So I let the things be like that from the beginning.
Now, she says she will file for D in January, so we only have two months before us. I went to the visits all perky and 'as if', and asked for forgiveness in letters. Did all she wanted, didn't bombard her with too many letters or emails after the first month or two. Last week I tried to invite her for dinner : no. For coffee so we could talk 5 mins: no. Invitations don't work obviously. But since I am in Canada I haven't sat with her yet to talk about the separation!
Then I tried orally this very week to ask her to keep overnight the toddler, but she said no, he's too small. If I write an email saying : ok that's it, my right is 50%, that is the toddler one week with me, one week with you (at her parents in fact), isn't that against all rules? Or will this be a wake up call for her by giving her a sense of loss somehow (She doesn't seem to realize that she's destroying a family over nothing..) Because at the moment it's all too easy for her to just go to school, go to part time job, and have stupid Bruce come twice a week for the visits...
Thanks guys...
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
Exercise your rights. She is denying your right to be with your child.
Put a stop to it.
No asking for forgiveness. No writing anything to her of that nature. Anything that can be used against you in court must be avoided. Record the conversations. Do communicate in writing.
Time to stop dancing to her tune.
If you keep with this path. You will become a glorified uncle who pays child support and alimony.
File for separation and protect your rights as a father.
She needs to wake up and get back to reality.
It is both your child. Not just her's.
Put a stop to this B.S.
If she gets angry at you. Record it. If she continues to deny your rights as a father then press hard through the court system.
This is a far more important issue than your marriage. That can be worked on after you work on being in your child's life.
Document. Document. Document.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I wholeheartedly agree with chatterbug. Your rights as a father to your child should supersede any R to your W right now.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
