Journaling: Not that I want it to happen, but I really believe I would be better all around if H just made a clean break and I didn't see him or talk to him.
Examine this Dawn... I'm pretty sure that you DO indeed want this to happen.
And I've got some great news for you! YOU can make this happen!
I feel the earth is shifting beneath your feet right now. You are turning a corner that is HARD to turn... but you're getting there.
You're STARTING to see the value in your OWN life... in your OWN happiness... and in your OWN direction in life.
I sense that you're finally starting to see that, no matter what H BELIEVES his intentions are... you're starting to see that they're malevolent... that somehow, despite his insisting that it's not... that your H is taking you for an F-in RIDE here...
But... you can control where this goes next.
YOU can finally say "ENOUGH is ENOUGH"... tell him to go have his little pity part on his own... meanwhile, you'll be living a life WORTH LIVING instead of this God-Awful limbo he's sentenced you to.
I sense you're starting to see that you're worth more than what you're getting now.
And, (I know this is mind-reading) I think HE's starting to see that too... hence the opening up... the general niceties he's throwing around...
But DON'T TAKE THE BAIT.
Meditate on YOUR inner strength... and the statement you Half-Made above...
Do you want a clean break?
Then MAKE a clean break.
Let him know you're done playing this game.
Something like this:
"H, look. I know you're going through some strange and interesting times in your life. And while I appreciate your honesty about them, I have to tell you this: I'm done. You know that I love you and would do anything to help you through this. But [b]I[/b] know that it's a losing battle for me to be involved. I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness or your self-discovery, but I can't allow YOU to stand in the way of my happiness anymore. I need to ask you to leave me out of this from this point forward... I'm asking that you don't drag me down while you figure out your life... I know you're attached to OW, and I can't continue to be okay with that. I need to find my happiness now, and I need to KNOW, in my heart, that I've tried EVERYTHING to help you through this... and this is the last thing I can think of to help... To simply let you go."
Obviously, you'll do a much better job of framing the conversation than I did there (It's been a long, exhausting day for me!) BUT, I think you know you NEED the clean break.
And YOU can take control of this awful situation.
As tough as it will be... You'll be better for it.
