Journaling: Not that I want it to happen, but I really believe I would be better all around if H just made a clean break and I didn't see him or talk to him.
He's nice, funny at times, polite (almost too much) even tenderly touching, but I know he has not made a recommitment. I know there is nothing behind any of that except maybe that he's calmer, more matter of fact in his speech, he's more sure of what he want's, just can seem to find a way to execute it yet.
So how does that happen? He moves out, still gets old, still eventually retires, has chucked the life we made together, and probably alienated our kids and their life happenings, and lives as an old man, alone.
I will never understand, but I am so ready to not give a sh!t! I'm so ready to shake all of this off and find a better life for myself.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
