Originally Posted By: afa75

Anger / reality crept in again last night at bedtime. Thoughts of the PA, not confirmed but most likely. Can I deal with that aspect? Do I want to continue to DB and "settle"? Is that a normal piece of this?


Absolutely. We spend so much time focusing on DB'ing and getting the spouse back that we neglect to come to grips with our spouse's part in the M's failings. I think deep inside we all expect we're not going to reconcile or that the chances are very small, so we don't deal with our spouse's issues. So when they do return, then we suddenly find ourselves unexpectedly dealing with issues we had shoved to the back of our minds. Trust is probably the biggest elephant in the room, especially if there was an EA/ PA. How can we trust that our spouse won't go back to an A? How can we trust they won't kick us to the curb again? These are serious and difficult issues. This is why most people advise moving slowly into piecing, and shifting the burden of work at least partially to the WAS. They're responsible for rebuilding trust issues because they were the ones that betrayed the trust.

Originally Posted By: afa75

How does her statement of that touching each other doesn't feel normal fit? Par for the course or not?


Yeah, that's "normal". The WAS spends so much time convincing themselves that they don't want to touch the LBS or be touched by them that returning to that can feel really strange and awkward. It's like they programmed themselves to be repulsed by the LBS, so turning back on to the LBS can be a slow process.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57