Unpacking my bags

[needgrace]

Hi all,

my last thread was locked. this new one is about being strong enough to really look at my own stuff... and i welcome your honest feedback as i unpack.. no pretending that things look good on me, that don't... ok?

JOURNAL

strange evening last night. (for newcomers, my W filed the D papers and i was notified last week..)..

W came by to drop something off. She handed it to me, looked around awkwardly and left. I went outside and asked her if she wanted to come in.. she said that i was stand-offish and she did not think i wanted her to.. but she came in, she was crying..

we sat down and she was still crying and i told her that everything is okay (thinking she was feeling badly about filing), she said that she knows and said she had a lot of stress with work.. i asked her how she liked her new job and she said that she doesn't.. i just listened and validated that she is talented and will be successful whatever she chooses..

she asked me about my birthday and i was able to tell her about some of the fun things i have been doing..

we talked about her family and she teared up again about a family member..then she mentioned how she was looking for an apartment and was staying with friends currently..

she started to tear up again and i asked her if she was okay.. she said that it made her sad and happy to be here (in what was our home, now mine) bc of the happy memories.. i made a joke about the memory of her hanging the kitchen cabinets (a crazy project where she ended up using the car jack to lift one of the cabinets.)

she left shortly after..

i realize now that, thought i did not mention the R, i did try to control things in subtle ways.. and that is something i need to work on. i am going to work on being more aware of how i do this in all my Rs... and try to go underneath to see the fears there.

i must admit to being slightly ungrounded by our conversation last night.. i thought she looked and sounded unhappy and i need to be careful to not project anything on her.. and instead of deciding how she feels, just say "isn't that interesting?" and turn back to focusing on ME