Mixed Signals From Walk-Away-Husband

[FierceHope]

Saturday: I forgot to add that I made a comment that night regarding how that hug wasn't a good one (uncomfortable and half-hearted). I almost didn't say anything, and instead fidgeted in bed a bit, but I changed my mind. Partly because I DO want good hugs if I'm to get them, and partly because this is kind of a 180 for me. I used to want him to "read my mind" and know when and what was bothering me - usually about his actions.

So, I told him the hug wasn't good, and that I'm only telling him because he said he doesn't like it when I hold things like that in. I got a thanks from him, as well as a much better hug!

I'm trying not to read too much into these things, and it was probably not a good idea to say anything... I just don't know quite where we stand. I DO feel I did a 180 about this, but I also think I shouldn't have if I'm doing the Last-Resort Technique!

Sunday: I messed up AGAIN! Something he did kind of set me off inside... And it was truly a minor thing, but something we would do TOGETHER. I ended by saying that I liked it better when we were friends. He said nothing. Probably because we AREN'T friends, not really... Not anymore...

Anyway, I don't bring it up again, but I try distancing myself... We head into the larger town to watch another movie.

So, he acts like everything is the same as always. But this time I don't smile or laugh along with him... If he asks me something directly, I answer, nicely, but I feel like I'm done initiating anything with him... I know that I need to stop pursuing him. But I also feel that not smiling is NOT detaching lovingly... <bang head on desk>

We get to the theater, and I just start walking to the entrance, making sure my posture is good (head up!) AND so he can watch me from behind! He says he likes my butt, so then he can watch it walking AWAY from him...

I get inside before he does, and I look back to see how far behind he is. I decide that he's too far away to hold the door for a stranger, so I head inside. I get seats, and put my purse in the seat to my left. When he arrives later with popcorn and a drink, He tries to set them down, and I cave a little and ask where he's sitting as I'm trying to prevent my purse from slipping between the seats. He indicates the seat to my left, so I pull my purse out. After a bit, he gets up to pee and asks if I want anything while he's out; I decline.

While still waiting for the previews to start, I get a call from a strange number; husband sees it. I answer, and it takes a bit, but I realize it's my other friend, calling from her computer - which explains the bizarre number. I leave the room, and talk briefly with her. I tell her a little about what is going on with my husband and I, and she said she'll call after we return home. When I return to my seat, husband asks who it was; I say it was a friend. He thought it might have been my sister, who is overseas right now, and he checked his "Friends" app to see where she was while I was out.

After the movie, we talk about the movie some, and I try to get him to engage in the conversation more, instead of just the little he said about it. Perhaps he had nothing else to say. <shrug> I drop it and when we get home, I go sit in the spare room and read while I wait for my friend to call.

When I start getting ready to head out, my husband asks where I'm going - I say to talk with a friend. He says "have fun," and I reply that I'll try... So, I drive around our neighborhood and I tell my friend some of what is going on. Her husband is good friends with mine, but I don't know how much they talk to each other.

I read in one of the "37 rules" not to involve family and friends... I hope that meant not to get others to side with me and "attack" his position... It's just that I'm also trying to "set him free" and "open the cage door," and I don't know how to truly move on without letting those closest to me know what I'm going through right now...