I would also like to add that many mlcers do not want our affection once replay is in full swing. It can create a lot of shame and guilt in the mlcer and they will tend to shy away or make a point of not being around the lbs. Many of them go through a period before the full blown replay and want to have sex quite often w/the spouse. It's like the desire has increased five-fold, so to speak. Then suddenly the desire will drop off to nothing and then the mlcer is gone emotionally and does not want anything to do w/us. We can't force affection on to them or it cause them to pull away even faster.
Others, will continue to want sexual relations w/the lbs and the lbs has to be careful, i.e., ensure that protection is used at all times because you do not know where the mlcer has been and w/whom. Some need that "physical" connection. for a period of time before hitting full blown replay at full throttle.
I, personally, don't advise being sexually active w/the mlcer because it opens the door for cake eating and the lbs hopes are very high that sex will keep them coming back and eventually home. In order for the mlcer to miss the lbs, you have to give them their space and allow them time to go out there and experiment and grow up. Cake eating strings along the process of healing for the lbs.
Just my two cents this morning.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
