Last night when W was cooking dinner I saw her phone light up. It was a text message. She immediately pushed the button to turn off the screen and flipped her phone upside down on the counter.
It vibrated again. I made a comment, "your phone is going nuts." She responded, "I know. It's just stupid work emails."
Can she really think that I don't notice that her phone is upside down all the time? Or that she's put a passcode on it? Did she seriously think that I didn't see it was a text message, not a work email?
But I digress. I assume OM exists. What good could come of bringing this up now.
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During dinner W made a comment about going to apply for part-time jobs at the local retail stores in case she doesn't get the full-time job she's interviewing for tomorrow. This must mean she's still thinking about trying to work on our R, because there's no way she could afford to live on her own on a part-time income.
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I realized that I slipped from DB... Since W went from being adamant about separating, to questioning separating. I saw this small progress and started slipping in hopes that we were on our way to reconciling. So yesterday I went back into DB mode... I know these changes need to be permanent.
I was slower to respond to emails. I was brief in my responses but empathized more. After S went to bed I did my own thing for a while instead of immediately going to watch TV with her.
When we got into bed I immediately rolled so I was facing away from her and didn't bother to say goodnight. She scooted over and spooned ME with her arm tightly around me. Not a word was said. Eventually she rolled over but made sure her butt was still touching mine. Perhaps she felt me pulling away today... either way. I have to detach.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
