He's Just Not That Into You

[RegretfulLA]

Thanks 25 - appreciate the support.

My sitch with OM1 is slightly more complicated than it seems on the surface. YES, nothing "happened." YES, it was only a few lunches. However, OM1 was unmarried and very single at the time all of this started, and had I been same it would have been ON. He only moved across the world a few months ago, and only got married because he knocked up his W. Barely knew her.

I really was madly in love with him. (OM1 was not aware of that, nor was he really aware of any of the drama concerning him until I finally told him the whole story after BD in June.) I did invite him to a party we had without telling H, and I did continue the friendship even after H found out about it and asked me not to. These things were wrong and insensitive. Then we saw OM1 at a party and I spoke to him for a while and H got very upset about that. So I was repeatedly disrespectful to H with respect to OM1. These were the things that I did. However, the texts between H and OW are not benign IMO (at least on H's part) and so I have to say it's an EA regardless of what he says.

H initially found out about OM1 because I guess I was acting weird and he decided to look at an email I had sent from my FB account telling my friend about OM1. H confronted me and I was so detached by that point that I could not really respond to H in a way that he would have wanted me to. I never told H that I was "in love" with OM1 but he figured it out on his own.

We did go to MC for a while, but as I said it was mostly focused on me. H did try harder for a while but we never got to the root of our problems and so nothing really got permanently resolved. After a while we fell back into the same old patterns... leading to OM2. I was not in love with OM2 and basically knew that I was using him as a form of self-medication because by that point, my job and my marriage both were a complete misery. I was on my way out of my job but lacked the self-awareness to know what to do about my M.

So H's narrative and statement is "she cheated on me twice." When he says this, he makes me sound like a whore, and I never came close to sleeping with either of them. The truth is, that I was tremendously unhappy, had a chance at a better R w OM1 but decided not to take it because my own H wanted to commit to improving things. OM2 also had a little revenge aspect to it because by that time the verbal abuse was in full swing and H was threatening D right and left. I'm not proud of it, but at least I own it.

At this point, I'll take it as it comes. I'm not proud of my choices but I know why I made them and I know now that the factors that contributed to those choices are unacceptable for me in any R. I have come a long way to get to this point and I know that if it comes to D, I will be ok without H, if not better off. It all comes down to whether H can understand my issues and truly step up to the plate in many respects. If he really tries, I'll continue to give it time. Whether he can or will try remains to be seen.