He's Just Not That Into You

[25yearsmlc]

RLA, if he can't get over the A and truly forgive, what chance do you have?

Great question. Sadly, the answer really is "NO CHANCE" at all.

You wronged, you admitted it, you apologized, asked forgiveness. What is left, immolation?

Another great question. I'll gander a guess....um, More prolonged torture and humiliation...a form of immolation, but slower I guess. And its more subtle, so she can still get to be "wrong."

There are wounds that some people can't heal from, it just sounds like he can't admit that and hurting people hurt other people.

Inertia has a lot of power, plus he can still see HER pain by watching it and not letting go. Forgiving is hard but what he does not know, is that holding onto his anger will cost him more in the long run, than letting go would

Spend some time just reflecting on what you want and who you want to be. Do you stay because you think you deserve the punishment?

I've wondered the same thing. Behaviorally, your first "EA" was a few lunches in a r that could not lead anywhere since he lived far away and was married and neither of you crossed the line.

You have become convinced that your "EA" with that man was the same type of R that your h flaunts in your face. It's not the same in part BECAUSE he flaunts it in your face so he is being blatantly punitive.

Until you said you were "in love" w/OM1, I would not have thought twice about the friendship. Glad you were honest.

How'd your h react to it or does he know? IF he does know, why does he?

Did HE work on improving the marriage when he found out? OR did he just sulk and blame?

Not sure what the 2nd A was like or entailed, but I hope something was learned by ALL involved...b/c if nothing changes, then...nothing changes.

Right? Only you decide "how long" and I get that. I went for 2 years in limbo however I knew our finances at the time could handle it AND I had an internal timeline and goal...our d2 was in high school and I wanted to provide stability for her til she finished.

And we did provide some "stability" or as much as I could, given the givens...

figure out those factors too. But know in your heart that if the time comes, and I fear it will, that you CAN/WILL be alright without him.

He's an active negative in your life atm, and that might change.

But if not, and then you release him, you will have improved your life.

Take comfort in the fact that you DO have choices here. You are not trapped.