So I guess it has been a pretty stressful day all things considered. I did go to IC and get something for anxiety and wellbutrin. Here's hoping it helps. It would have to improve the anxiety. I literally only slept for 45 mins last night. So tomorrow I am searching for a J-O-B. Have an appointment with an attorney next week. I'm still not sure what I am supposed to do in the meantime. Although, I'm thinking visitation likely won't happen anyway as none of them actually want to see him. I'm not sure how long that will last or if it will even be an issue. It was obvious today that she doesn't want them around and frankly that he is okay with that. So destructive. I have no idea how to handle this. One of D10 does want to see him. The others are simply furious. Hurt. S14 has me very worried. He would like to actually do physical damage to her. So my plans are to go completely dark and basically focus on my kids and myself. We will be doing our things like library and ball games and family fun night with board games! lol I'm hoping I can find something with a relatively quick pay day. Sounds crazy. I never thought in 10 million years I would be put in this position. Today was so completely traumatic. Not that it matters. We will survive and thrive. I know this. It really doesn't make it feel any better. I tried to put it in context that Daddy is just confused and doesn't know what he wants right now. It's not them. All of that but really it isn't working. They see it for what it is. I guess all I can do is try to support them as they work through their emotions. In some ways, it has always been just us. From 2002 - 2006 it was me here by myself and he was only here on weekends anyway as he traveled for work. Then of course he left with OW. Combine that with once he got back he was often preoccupied and emotionally unavailable. Dr. Phil would call it sitting on the sidelines. Not in the game. Essentially, that is what it was though. So unfortunately, maybe that will serve them well through this. I'm so worried for them. Then to top everything off is the fear of basic survival. At this point, I want nothing to do with him, and I don't want to give him any room to damage them more. I simply don't think he needs to be around them at this point. I am afraid it will be seen as being vindictive. It was just so bad today. S14 was saying he was going to punch her and "get even" All of them went to IC too. She is also concerned. She will seeing them again tomorrow. Anyone here have any insight? I have no idea what is right or wrong at this point. I just feel like circling the wagons and closing ranks. If that makes sense? Block everything else out.
